what tarot means to me…

for me, tarot is predictive and always has been.  the cards always show what’s going to happen before it happens, unless they don’t want me to know.  although most modern western people are all about free will, and describe tarot as being a way to look within and see the likely outcome based upon what’s happening now, and that makes sense to my western mind too….i have this eastern heart, and it feels that everything has already been written, it feels much like the oracle from the matrix when she said, “you are not here to make choices, you are here to understand the choices you already made.”  this is my deeper truth.  the tarot has always been my companion.  since i was 18.  that was 25 years ago.  been reading a long time and felt an affinity with them right away.  tattooed the minor arcana symbols on my arm only months after picking up my first deck so that i would never forget who i am.  it’s always told me the future except when it wont, because i need to learn a lesson.  same goes with clients, i read the same for me or them.  only if i pull when not grounded, or when mercury is in retrograde, will the tarot be off.  i don’t like to tell first time clients this, because their hunger to know the future is too strong, they give too much power to the cards, and it feels wrong.  to look into the future you want to look without being attached to the outcomes.  i am not always successful with this myself, but i have become accustomed to both my weakness and the power of the cards.  when the universe wont tell me the future, i might get upset if i have the hunger to know, but i recognize the hunger and let it go.  and if i am given the future, it does not come as a play by play.  it comes as an overall emotional tone.  like, i knew yesterday’s trip to the island was going to be the “hanged man”, something out of our control happening, forcing us to let go.  that’s all i knew.  turns our ruby’s inking appointment got cancelled and so i did not write, she was not tattooed, and we left the island soon after arriving.  before i go on online dates i pull and always know ahead of time how i will feel.  this might be misuse, admittedly, but it’s never wrong.  i imagine telling my dates this, and scaring the crap out of them, weirding them out, and other humorous imaginings in the comical story of what to expect when on a date with a priestess.  why am i even talking about this?  i suppose because i feel like i am a dying breed, as the trend is arching toward free will and reason as humanity progresses.  this is a good thing, i believe.  free will is a beautiful thing i want to be true, and it is true too.  i know how the two work together, free will and how the tarot predicts.  knowing the future does not eradicate free will, it just sees beyond it.  i am using my free will to say no to men on dates, it’s just that the tarot knows it before i do…for example.  as for the “it’s already written” thing.  it is.  that’s the strange thing about this realm.  we are using our free will and yet it’s also already written.  i can feel how it fits, even if i cannot make sense of it.  whether a scientist can, i don’t know, i don’t care, i am not here to prove anything.  i am only sharing my truth.  thankful i have a libra moon cause it allows me to hold the truth that truth can be both.  i embrace “both” so deeply.  the only single targeted truth i embrace is love.  aside from love, everything turns into both.  free will and it’s already been written, being one example of this, and it goes on and on.  anyhow, i wanted to keep this about tarot because i am feeling sentimental about my dying breed mentality.  blog, for me, is an online diary, a way to put my personal imprint into the collective via computer technology.  so if i die soon, it will be known how important tarot has been in my life, and how much it has predicted, for me, my friends, my family, my clients.  the universe knows when and what to reveal, and sometimes it jumps off the timeline when doing it.  sometimes you see something coming but it take years.  sometimes the universe will only point you inside because you need to strengthen your free will, learn lessons, and become more aware and wise.  using tarot to learn about your insides is much more important than predicting, by the way. the predicting part is there to help guide you, when used properly, but less necessary than seeing inside of yourself to understand what’s really going on.  there are two veils to see behind, one goes inside the self and one goes into the future.  looking inside the self is very empowering if you know we are all responsible for our creations in life, and that external life is a mirror of the internal.  but how can you keep your power while looking behind the veil to the future?  either you need to believe you can change what you see in the cards, which i will never believe, but that’s a good strategy if you can.  or, you need to surrender to knowing that your will has deeper unconscious reasons for things happening.  from my experience, the conscious mind is a beautiful fool, very unaware of what is really happening behind the scenes, and often times, not in alignment with it, because the conscious mind is a child obsessed with the pleasure of the senses, or getting justice, stuff like this, topical stuff.  you cannot take it serious.  i treat my conscious mind with many grains of salt.  though i will save this for more blogging, this one is getting long.  tarot i love you, and i am thankful for seeing behind the veil.  happy new moon, y’all.