monday managing of a fall…

what a weekend.  i lost my balance.  it’s interesting how i become when around others.  it’s interesting how i really feel different these days.  this uranus transit is real.  gotta myth being channeled into my brain as the world builds itself upon stilts that are insane.  arguments and morals and betrayals happening all around me, of which i don’t partake.  she said to love is to get your heart broken.  i agree.  it’s the oldest human story.  we let each other down.  i feel acceptance for this, it doesn’t feel that big of deal or that profound.  keep feeling that my heart is only to make a light karmic footprint.  i trust myself to do that, and that is enough.  forgive everybody for everything, including myself.  believe in the dream up to a point, and then i don’t, but don’t mind.  as ram says, it’s all inside.  feeling this like a torch constantly lit.  it’s interesting cause i cannot sink too low like i used to, but i can watch that old low like a sad romantic black and white flick.  felt sad all weekend, unenthused, bored, restless, aching to live a new life in a new home, and yet…i did not feel those things too much.  progress on my path, and yet more than i have in months, did i lose balance.  did not practice my yoga, did not write, did not have inspiring thoughts, ate too much, drank too much, and empathized when i said i would not…as if my etheric body lost her power to sculpt the chosen self and sculpted an older version.  that’s uranus too though, two steps forward, one step back, only way to learn about managing all the aspects of self, on a path of a magician.  specially when soaring out of the fires of karma, anew.  the world is ignited with intensity right now, and i wasn’t able to be strong through it cause my own being feels weak too.  oh well.  we get weak sometimes.  the interesting part is how i am not craving outside validation, don’t need to process it with others.   it’s just not mental and this test is all about being self possessed.  feeling surrendered to it.  not gonna judge the fall or exalt the picking back up of my tired soul.  every day is new and different.  clicking my ruby slippers.  home is coming.  but first the perception must truly shift.  or not.  it’s just not that mental….