up into space, love is restored…

beautiful dreaming last night.  i am going to space, in a ship, and a good friend is driving the ship.  she and about twelve of us are going.  the main feeling is of truly coming outside of your mental paradigm into what is totally new.  i feel terrified and excited.  then, comes the  part where all of the sorrow dissolves, and there’s this love.  love is restored.  i realize that the sorrow was truly wrong, not meant to be at all, like a drug or malevolent source.  like the way somebody abuses an animal and the animal doesn’t know it, just feels sad all the time, and then the animal has a new caretaker that is loving, and only then does the animal realize that love is a natural state.  so fucking powerful.  i wake up in the best mood.  finally the moon moves out of serious virgo into lighter libra too.  the sky is brown like a dirty dish rag this morning, rain is pouring down, but i don’t care.  feeling on the other side of some deeply seeded despair.  free inside.  been on the receiving end of a lot of intense emotions this past week.  listening to the stories of others struggle.  meanwhile, watching my own feelings rise and bubble, but not too much really.  i tend to polarize, so if the air is emotional, i become calm.  so much is going on.  everybody i know is going through intense stuff.  learning to zero empath.  no longer am i taking in the feelings of others to help them process.  instead, i am the compassionate witness.  it’s a big lesson.  yoga teaches me how do it.  the discipline of the poses, so much harder than jogging.  with jogging i just run and it’s fun.  yoga is a practice in watching the mind struggle, and the emotions flail with discomfort, while focusing on breath and continuing to move through it, teaching me equanimity through the ups and downs.  i need yoga.  glad i got back to it through finding the right video.  much more into home practice than a studio.  this is boring to talk about.  big realization though.  the rain is heavy today indeed.  feels like the feelings around me.  feels like the cleansing of the land.  a surrender.  a humbling.  the relinquishment of command.  burning agarwood.  drinking coffee.  wondering what part of the story will happen today…