plunge me into the sea now…

it’s interesting that every two ways two people perceive one another, is their karma.  and how our childhood wounds turn everything so serious, making us cling to needing to be understood, innocent, and praised…verses criticized, mistaken, and looked down upon.  we all just want to be innocent and loved.  watching the stories.  honoring the nature.  reflecting.  i put diplomacy over truth, but that’s not the right way for everybody.  it’s my way.  i heal to grow.  i love unconditionally no matter what, but i am also very picky about whom i choose to spend my time with.  learning how to not empathize anymore.  compassion over empathy, along with diplomacy over truth, and finding love within first, before needing it from another.  these are my pillars.  they are not right or wrong, they are the way for me.  it is true though, that we all create stories, and it is our stories that cause suffering, not anything else.  beneath the stories is our true being, as breath.  there is nothing holding on there.  if you hold your breath too long, you’ll die, and you cannot really force yourself to do that.  my head slightly aches this morning from thinking too hard.  gonna have to force myself on a jog.  staying balanced is a full time job.  weird dreams last  night about reality being different because of wifi.  aware of my complicity.  and always being in the middle, be it between extremes, people, choices, or realities.  you could call me, one foot in each world girl.  i see both sides, relate to and honor both.  my choice is always in both.  it can be a real pain in a culture with single targeted values, so be it, i am used to being different, doesn’t mean i don’t belong.  feeling tired.  i wish to rest deeply but somehow feel i must force the workout, push through this desire to become nothing for a day.  blue sky begins to peak through the thick buttery layer of clouds.  needing to let go of intensity.  lighten.  dissolve these hard thoughts like salt in warm water.  take a literal bath.  be a soft blue flower.  put on red lipstick on the other side of this feeling.  surrender to the way it is.   the end.