already hearing the bass of my neighbor’s music this morning, doing my best to watch my aversion to it, and stay in equanimity. back in the seattle flow here. realize when i got off the bus, took one breath of seattle air, that this land is my home. not portland land. but i feel more at home in portland right now, because of the nurturing, comfort, laughter, and availability i experience there. it’a a toss up. decided i will give it a few months to reflect and see, and if nothing happens here in seattle by the new year, i will go ahead and do it, take myself out of capitol hill, and follow the love to portland. nothing else perks my ears. in portland i became aware that i might be avoiding love, due to some deep seeded thing, and let it go. new path: following the love. i know there’s more ways to receive love than as a spiritual mother. i am, creating it all. seattle land loves me in a way that it like a soulmate, but do i stay for the land? questions. back to the routine. a little bit more of the hermitage. blue sky is peaking through today. will have to force myself on my jog because it’s been four days and i feel lethargic again. two days in, back on my routine, the mind will settle into breath, heart will feel safe. be slow. sea turtle in my vision last night. and radha of all people. the goddesses, they decide when to come to me, not the other way around. can’t take citrine or onyx off my body. craving too much coffee. winter upon us. the holidays. that time of year where sorrow ignites and the light gets low. hoping to get myself in a flow where i don’t need the love i need, you know? whatever. practice. inspiring conversation. practice. emptiness. practice. joy piercing through. practice. from the inside out. practice. finis.