portland got so much heart, but i don’t know if it’s where i belong. he says to think about the long term. it rings true in this soul of mine. she says it’s all inside. wisdom to abide by. i know to make the decision based upon pentacles not cups, this time. bearing fruit is the goal. flowering the illusion. singing guns and roses, makes the crowd go nuts. tiki decor. day-glo bikini hoola girls. sitting outside before, shivering from the cold. getting the best tarot reading from an eight year old, under a strong song, feeling most alive. swift change. life is a ride. the rain is sliding down the window pane. reflection. barely slept. barely grounded. not jogging or waking up alone makes the noggin feel on clouds. where am i? how am i to figure this all out? the yinny and yanny show wants to come out. get the slr camera out. i can see myself happy here, but fear the past cause it was one of my worst years. as she used to always say, i’ll know more later. clarity soup. how to reprogram a masochist. relaxing in the seat warmer. feeling like hanuman to them, who are ram and sita. modern day gods and goddesses. doing dishes. eating granola. going to the pet store. watching the toothy creature below crave glamor and seeing right through that shit. afraid a little bit to let go if it. open the heart more. a little more love will make it right. gets me nowhere to tell love no. gets me nowhere to make love go. cuddling with a black kitty. black cat crossing our path in the city. forgetting my dreams. here and now is all there is, it seems. but really…there so much more. shhh….