a crazy night of dreaming. past lives being revealed, as marginalized humans, giving my sovereignty away to the cultural agenda. themes. the loss of free will and despair as a result. crazy images too. a large black and white speckled dog. his owner tattooed him on the white belly, a large impressionist looking park scene. thinking the tattoo on the dog is beautiful but then wondering if it was abusive to needle him without his consent. dogs cannot give consent. the theme again. and how this dog bonded with me, when usually he doesn’t bond with anyone, his owner said, surprised. the dog was so happy to sit on my lap, even though he was huge and awkward. he needed my affection and i needed his. me talking to the dog owner about moving back to new york city. mad at myself because the last time i lived there, when the female mayor wanted me to be her assistant, i declined. not wanting to fuck up this time. woke up very disoriented, and realized i had slept for nine hours, something i hardly ever do. been having reoccurring dreams about moving back to new york city a lot. not sure why, and if it’s literal or metaphorical. i do miss it. and i do regret not being strong enough at the time, to seek opportunities. anyhow, yesterday was one of those void days. magic happened once though. within an hour, watching the dusk from my couch. first, dark brown ominous clouds rolled in fast and low over the skyscrapers. this was followed by a golden glow piercing through from the horizon line, lighting up the dark storm clouds. i felt a being, i won’t speak of here, and started communicating with him, as he communicated with me by changing the light, and making faces in the clouds, while giving me telepathic messages about self sovereignty (probably what initiated my dreams). in awe, we conversed like that, by me feeling his presence in the light and clouds, as he gave me telepathy, and i felt so protected and loved, remembering why i incarnated here, the original intention…also knowing it was time to build my relationship with this being, allowing more of my thoughts to be in this building, than in the ego stress i have been indulging in. i also realized i needed to build this bond more right now, and do less letting go into thoughtless nothingness. time to reverse the cycle. we ended our transmission as all the clouds dispersed, and blue sky won over, right before the sun dipped down into night. i closed my eyes, mirroring the sunset, and fell asleep hard for about ten minutes, my consciousness too overwhelmed to digest the experience while awake. after that, mundane life returned. no creativity last night. no desires available to act out. nothing i wanted to read or watch, paint or write. the void alright. the moon was void of course. my heart was in the midst of some internal cleansing. let it be. get good rest. it’s time to move from saying no to saying yes.