unwinding into the underworld…

good morning, blog.  another clear blue sky morning, it is.  the mountain is greeting me behind a slight haze, as is the sound of a truck doing business next door.  slept later than usual, by an hour.  last evening was the super full moon and lunar eclipse.  i did not go outside to see it.  instead, i felt it within, after being absorbed in a book all day.  picked up “anna karenina” and reading it for the first time.  had no idea tolstoy was so good.  craving to read classics right now, leave this current time, learn from the masters, watch less and read more.  the contrast of reading a.k. and watching sex and the city is fascinating though, and i did it on purpose last night.  have an obsession with stories about romantic love.  if you can’t live it, read about it, watch it.  compare the differences between old world russian literature and modern new york city television.  both reveal the complications, desires, longing, and confusion that romantic love brings to the human heart.  and it gets me thinking.  (like i need anymore of that.)  it’s interesting to me how in s.a.t.c., carries tries for years to escape big, only to end up happily with him in the end.  sure, it’s tv, but this can happen in real life too.  it’s not always smooth and easy and clear, the path to true love.  though tragedy is just as fruitful when it comes to being with true love.  true love being: the one who makes you feel that certain way, it’s bigger than love, there’s a certain intimacy present, a flow, a connection of souls.  this is not the same as a life partner in my book, and it’s not the same as a soulmate either.  but i will save those definitions for another blog.  only 80 pages into a.k., have not even met anna yet, but adoring tolstoy’s writing, the way he captures the character’s essence and dilemma, not too much description, just enough, to keep my mind moving along…he brings me in, i am there in his world, completely.  tolstoy is inspiring me, just as sex and the city is.  i want to write romantic fiction too.  yesterday was all about this, as i wandered around the hill under a windy sun.  i must say, for as much as i feel ready to move to another part of town, i do enjoy being able to walk to the park and sit on a bench, then walk over to a cafe and have a shot of espresso before walking into my favorite bookstore to browse for a new read.  i really am a city person, i think, for as much as i thought i wanted to move out of the city, maybe i was wrong.  i realize, that am unsure.  the only thing i am sure about is my passion for love and art and writing.  and my mystical truth within.  everything else spins round and round the wheel of fortune.  i could be here, there, anywhere.  impressionable and open, flexible and hungry for choices.  spending the weekend completely alone rejuvenated my spirit.  this is the time of year we begin to walk into the underworld.  what does that mean?  what is the underworld?  well, the simplest way to put it is, during winter we go more within, because of the weather.  flowers, trees, animals, and seeds, all go within.  this is the underworld.  not a dark creepy place with demons…but….oh, i don’t want to describe it, because yours is different than mine.  my underworld has a lake running through it, with many lily pads dotting it, and there’s a castle, the only building in the entire land.  within this castle, a masquerade ball is always being hosted by pan, who is a comforting and wise creature, accepting of his fate to rule the place where nothing grows, but undulates on repeat, asking for release, for truth, for love….(that’s what i will say for now.)  not feeling like i have my thoughts together.  writing off the cuff from the tip of a tired tongue…