mundane magic tricks of the mind…

another blue sky morning.  seattle, who are you?  the sound of work trucks outside.  obligatory seagull flying by.  another day ahead.  yesterday was boring.  not inspired to write about it, but i will, for the practice.  this is my practice.  i bought a skin brush and did my first skin brushing this morning.  people swear by this.  i walked in the sunshine before going in to work to read souls.  wore dress shoes to work, just because these shoes sit in my closet and never get worn.  i bought them for a wedding.  they have a heel, and after walking only three fourths a mile, my feet hurt so bad.  i am not a heel wearing person.  i like my spinal health.  but it was fun to listen to the clicking of them on the sidewalk and to feel fancy.  i suppose if i lived a driving lifestyle i could wear heels sometimes, when going out to a nice restaurant or what have you.  a driving lifestyle…will i ever return to that again?  i like walking everywhere, but i do miss being able to get out of town and visit friends with ease.  i miss listening to loud music and singing in the car.  mundane thoughts.  finished a painting yesterday.  all i wanna do is paint.  i wish somebody would pay me to paint.  i would paint all day every day.  it’s deeper than writing.   color is my first language…as is non-linear, multi-dimensional surrealism.  lately i have been so enveloped in this way of being, i cannot understand lines and corners, boxes, and equations.  well, actually this is not true.  it’s kinda funny.  when it comes to relationships and karma, i sound like a mathematician when i talk.  i know the lessons and what they equal.  i know the pit falls and their consequences.  i stay uber logical and do not let my heart lead.  but then, when it comes to the rest of life, i am completely surreal and heart centered.  i suppose i will only follow my heart for one man.  that’s it.  me: old world.  true love.  the analyst until my heart is safe with him.  maybe i should start calling myself a tarot analyst.  cause i see the hard to hear, no bullshit, no rose colored glasses truth.  the truth hurts but it sets you free.  this is why most of me must live in the surreal.  cause working out all this karma is like digging ditches and burying love, or it’s like arduous climbing up a mountain in the dark.  gotta balance it out somehow.  was noticing my friend’s extroverted, light hearted nature yesterday, and how she attracts experiences as a result.  not like me, the moody introvert that might make others nervous to come up and talk to me.  not that i cannot be warm and extroverted at times, i can, but only like 20 percent of the time.  i don’t mind being introverted, but sometimes i do.  i still like to meet new people, but i might put people off with my aura.  not sure.  anyhow, to live one day in the shoes of my opposite.  how different the perspective would be.  i have a craving to shuck identity all the time.  or to play with it.  but ultimately, i am who i am and you are who are too.  self acceptance is underneath all this cryptic talk about shucking identities.  i mean sure, it’s good to have cleanses…though i also recognize the difference between a cleanse and a lack of self acceptance.  impetus is predicated by emotional motivations lodged deep in the unconscious shadow.  shame and fear take the driver’s seat unbeknownst to the conscious mind, setting us up for failure time and time again…until you see what needs to be seen.  i see it.  and i bring love to the shame that i harbor, until it turns into acceptance.  what appears on the topical level is a magic trick of sorts and we are all magicians.  this is why i love when mercury goes retrograde.  it’s a great time to see within.  twenty twenty vision for within gazing.  maybe that’s why the outside world is mundane right now, to balance out the forces…