bright side morning blog…

forcing myself to blog this morning.  not in the mood to write or express, but gotta keep it going.  doing.  virgo new moon, jupiter virgo.  virgo virgo virgo.  yesterday was pivotal.  talking with my reiki healer and friend, she was channeling some ideas for me that got me very excited.  my strong pull is towards kids.  i don’t want to talk about it here, but just jotting down the kids part.  this has come to me in waves throughout my life, this strong inner calling to work with kids.  never have i wanted to have a baby or care take kids, but the pull is toward guiding them.  i have been doing this with adults for so long.  i did it with kids for one year way back when, little ones, and i miss it.  there is a strong pull toward young minds and hearts.  more later.  the reiki session was so powerful and comforting and i am still feeling it.  a deep inner nurturing.  a deep inner solace.  i know the shadow voice is there though, i can feel her staring at me from her dark corner.  i like the way ruby put it in class last night, that when i follow my calling, somehow i feel like i am stealing it, or being bad.  yes, i see my shadowy friend over there in my heart, her curve-less figure leaning up against a grimy wall (or so she likes to think, as she smokes a cigarette and indulges her desire for sabotage), telling me, “who do you think you are?”  i told ruby we need t-shirts that say that.  it cracks me up.  great class last night.  i really do enjoy teaching.  it’s the most natural thing in the world for me to be doing.  i never would have suspected this until i tried it.  the fulfillment of watching others blossom in an area that they were insecure in.  always in the area of trusting the inner self.  right now it’s centered on developing the intuition, through learning how to use tarot.  and how much i would love it to be developing the creative voice within, through writing and painting.  not painting a tree or a building, not realistic technique, which i am only slightly decent at… but painting a feeling, a sate of mind, an archetype, a being within, brought forth to the canvass from the third eye, from imagination.  writing about the inner self too, come to life in a poem or story.  this is why anais nin and henry miller are the roots of my tree of life, because they were devoted to this style of expression.  as am i.  art and healing intertwine.  they are not separate.  even writing this blog changes me.  just five minutes ago, before writing it, i felt dull and blah, and now, after a few sentences, i am inspired and motivated, i see the light.  i want to create!  anyhow, the blue sky returns today, but with a crisp autumn air to compliment.  my favorite weather.  this is my season.  the blue feels refreshing after two days of silky grey.  the sounds of the city coming through my open window soothes.  i stare at isis, osiris, anubis, and horus, as i type.  my original pantheon before the hindu ceased my heart.  a picture of krishna das pinned to the wall reminds me to be love, to embrace longing, to practice every day, to have a sense of humor, and that i am not alone.  my ceiling fan lulls its way round and round, as it’s been doing non-stop for three years.  a seagull flies gently through the sky.  for a moment, everything feels right.  i am cherishing this moment…