this is the first morning i am writing at my new writing desk. rearranged my apartment. took down the tapestry and cleared the desk that i had been using for four years, to throw shit on. suddenly and spontaneously, a new personal online cafe has opened in my home. the view is spectacular. each time i look up to pause, i see water, sky, mountains, and the city scape. this feels like immense change, because i have never been able to write alone at home. always needed the buzz of many people around me. but i am changing. i don’t want to be around people when i write anymore. craving silence. another big change i made is quitting the yoga studio. done with hot yoga. now i am jogging, and doing yoga at home afterward. jogging is a yoga for me. the feeling of it, of being outside, the peace i feel, the way it changes my brain. i realize i need it. at home i know all the poses and i can go at my own pace. again, craving to be alone doing yoga, not being around people.
having more solitude is bringing me into a creator state, a balanced place i have needed for a while but did not know it till i arrived here. the city is not so bad after all, is how it feels. not that i am opposed to moving outside of the city into nature, i am still open to that. but i am also open to the city now. so many choices. i don’t always have specific desires. the core desires in me never seem to budge, neither does my tenacious pursuit of them. these fixed desires are to live my soul purpose and make it my priority, to be in a true love partnership, and to make life a work of art. some other stable things about me are how clean i am, and that i love morning. you can always count on me to be direct and shit cutting, objective, deep, and sensitive. and for all of time, i am a mystic. it’s who i am, i did not become it. i am not a mystic to get something out of it either. it’s not a phase. it’s not an end goal. it’s simply the energy that created this me-illusion, this michelle creature…even if my parents created the body, they are only stewards to my soul.
speaking of soul, i have been thinking a lot lately about the counterfeit aspect of religion. i don’t believe in any religious myths, dogma, or rules. i think they are all counterfeit. i think there have been mystics, prophets, sages, wise women and men of all kinds and forms, to bring us lessons and messages. jesus brought us the message of unconditional love and forgiveness. buddha brought us the wisdom that thoughts are not who we are, and that this physical realm is really fucking hard. but there are so many unknown wise people who have blessed this earth too. anyhow, the beings who turned these wise people into god or messengers of some human-like one and only god, and formed a religion around them, did so to control people, and their intention was not loving. i know a lot of people who are religious are good people. i know they only want to do good and be good and it’s their way to connect to love, and they live loving lives, their beliefs harming nobody. this is not about them.
it’s about the counterfeit origin of the religious dogma itself, created out of a lie. it’s like watching somebody grow up believing in the tooth fairy, thinking she is god, like taking every ounce of true wisdom about unconditional love, oneness, reality being an illusion, etc, and stuffing it inside of one person, immortalizing them as god or messenger of, and then using the them to implement a set of rules about life that degrade, control, and hamper human potential. real spirituality has only one rule: to love. the real god is oneness, which is nature itself in its most primordial form, something we cannot touch directly in human form, but can channel into metaphor, myth, poetry, art, music, and loving actions. when it gets literal and rules abound, you know it is false. when it stays open and metaphorical, you feel the truth.
i know my opinion can only be seen as an opinion, nothing more, and it saddens me. it saddens me because i know religion is the counterfeit backbone behind women being treated as second class citizens, behind so much killing, prejudice, violence, and behind all of physical life being treated as a second class life (compared to religion’s firs class heaven). i wish to see the human world free of these religious institutions and their counterfeit stories. i wish to see true spiritual connection free of these religious institutions. i wish for nature to be returned to it’s right place. for everything is nature and nature is everything. every being on every dimension, from a single celled bacteria, to the immortals, angels, every type of non-physical being, all the way to the oneness itself…is nature. the dimensions are nature. the illusion of form is nature. it’s all nature! there is no hierarchy, only layers. anyhow, i guess this is a mini-rant. and it leads to a deeper questioning as well, of my values.
i do value subjective reality, very much so. i also value facts. something is right, when it is a fact. fact is, counterfeit stories were created to control people long ago. if you were a fly on the wall, you would have seen it. nobody will believe me who believes in them, i get this. and people will tell me that the beings on other dimensions i speak to, are counterfeit, and use that to fuel their argument that subjective reality is supreme. but the difference is, the beings i speak to are aspects of nature that i am turning into metaphor in my mind in order to connect with them….where as the stories of religion’s god took some truth and created lies with it, to control people. differences exist. there is a difference between what exists in nature, and what is created by the human mind.
for instance, the characters in my novel are not real beyond my creativity. they don’t live in the world or any world other than the one i created for the story. if somebody wants to believe that they are real beyond the story, that’s fine. if they want to believe these characters are god, that’s fine too. believe what you will, this does not threaten me, or harm life. what harms, is what you do with the beliefs.
if you are gonna believe in a certain god, just don’t believe or allow this god to keep women, by religious law, uneducated, submissive to the man, clothed and kept like a house pet, with no rights to shape and influence their personal life or society, while making them pregnant every two seconds, increasing family size while keeping them in poverty, focused on some false heaven, so they accept their position and keep quiet. and while you are it, just don’t create wars over whom you call god, turning men into murderers, who believe they are committing some divine act as they kill human beings. and just don’t write or believe in books that implement rules that say marriage is only for straight people to have babies, or women should always submit to the man in marriage, or any rules that inhibit the freedom of humans to use their free will to love and live as they choose. these are the reasons i am against religion. for the harm it creates, and how this harm is the backbone of endless levels of harm being perpetuated by our world’s institutions, from east to west.
ok, ok, ok, rant over. did not expect this to come out of me in blog this morning, but it’s been on my mind a lot lately. i am not saying i have any solutions. you might think i am intolerant too. so be it. i don’t really care how you see me. i am just a person speaking what i know to be true. go ahead and think what you will. cause i will too. i only hope that one day, the veil is penetrated by every human heart, and we are set free of the violence and oppression perpetuated by our own kind upon ourselves, direct from the sabotage of the collective unconscious. or whatever it is. maybe we need to go through this to understand love more. i am working on acceptance and forgiveness, and recognize where i lack having it. i know true from false stories, and i know i attach to outcomes, and need to bring more unconditional love in, as well. it’s a process.
right now in reality, human truth is at odds. there’s a ton of division. i love you anyway, is what i say to those whose truth i oppose. i may not want to be close to with you on a personal level, but i love you. i love you for no reason. and i do understand how this all came to be. at least there’s that…