her sacral flourishing…

the sky outside is misty and opaque, another autumn in summer moody day.  rain is softly falling.  the light in my apartment is pearl colored.  woke up early after a long deep sleep with dreams i don’t recall.  wondering what to wear to jog in this weather.  unsure i have the motivation, but practicing discipline means it doesn’t matter, do it anyway.  each day is like that right now.  do what needs to be done and take the resting time to heart, cause it wont last long.  burned the last stick of rose incense last night.  new phase.  my heart feels different since saturday.  less stormy and emotional, more quiet and prideful.  not arrogant pride, but more the healthy kind i lacked most my life.  change is inevitable.  the tides ebb and flow.  it’s september already, where the hell did all that time go?  looking back at my calendar i see it’s been a crappy year in the love department.  one disappointing man experience after the next, from both okcupid dates and a few more profound connections.  all of them lessons for me.  lessons lessons lessons.  the whole year has been warrior mode.  it’s been a struggle.  the real new years for me comes in two months, so i am reviewing.  ready to move on from the whole warrior and lesson heavy modality.  my sense of self worth can always use improvement, though i feel it’s pretty strong too.  on the positive, i helped many people on their life path this year.  i helped grow a shop that’s like a temple.  i found non-affliction through the opposites in many moments, and deep peace in a few too.  in pretty good physical shape, and excited to expand my practice.  filled with creative ideas.  and hopeful in my heart.  not bad, i’d say.  there’s probably more i could add but not in the mood to list gratitudes.  basically i think this entire year has been about waking up my sacral energy, and healing it.  that’s what it comes down to.  discernment has been the biggest lesson.  so that my sacral energy can have the freedom to express its force without being abused, taken advantage of, or treated with carelessness, etc.  it’s up to me to say yes and no, not only to men, but to jobs, homes, paths, friends.  all of life is connected to the sacral energy.  it’s the furnace of our beings.  when you go through trauma as a kid, the root and sacral’s health and growth get interrupted and severed usually. if not healed you wind up with various imbalances and sufferings that i could write a book about.  this year, i think i healed the last of this severing.  so it’s worth it, all of the lessons.  sometimes battlefields are needed. at least in this realm.  anyhow, if today was the last day of my life, i would probably be upset, cause i feel in one sense, my life is just beginning.  the sacral return is gonna lead to flourishing, and i’d like to blossom before death comes for this body.  this is just me being dramatic…