the birth of venus….

tummy is almost better.  being sick allowed for time on the couch to contemplate how i feel.  to watch how my mind plays its movie reel.  to feel.  soul crying out for expansion and expression more than ever.  to sing, write, love, hold, root, climb, shed, reveal, rebirth.  watching how the demons work.  how they slip into negliges of pity, and hang out lustily in soft pink prison cells.  it’s true, like we were talking about on monday, that the more you let go, the harder the demons fight for their life.  because the demons are blind.  they don’t understand that they are nothing more than love denied.  they think their cause of keeping me imprisoned to pain is their real identity.  so much illusion to pierce with x-ray vision eyes.  trusting intuition and not the heady lies.  in order to remove a pattern.  the pattern of attracting unavailable love, the pattern of being too zoomed out and looking down from above, the pattern of you’re not good enough.  this week i made important decisions about slicing off every head of doubt, and refusing to listen to doubt’s story.  feminine fierceness.  sharp teeth and a deep growl sometimes is needed.  once i have completed this task, i will have more clarity on where i am going.  still, nothing makes sense.  but at least i moved out of the emptiness.  singing moves me out.  fuck i need out!  life is short.  i am holding on tightly.  let go.  life is long, one big karmic show lived one body at a time.  the silver sky washes my eyes clean of all i have ever known.  just keep burning rose incense.  lack of external validation is only a test.  everything is like star wars in a different dress.  my heart is a place of rest at least.  in here, inside michelle, is a shell, birthing venus….