fatigue coursing through my body again. not sleeping enough. waking up at 7 am no matter what time i get to bed. krishna das full throttle heart, cause i gotta keep letting go of my grip on the external part. continuing to fortify love within. love as is. love that is unfazed by who comes and goes. i could leave too. go to another city or travel on the road. i could also move to another district of seattle and keep building on what’s here already, holding this boat steady. little tidbits present like crumbs for the hungry mouse. as i use venus retrograde to ponder and not pounce. the feeling of wanting to work as little as possible. deflate, deflect, decompress, hide inside the mirror. hold onto love inside like a marsupial…and on the outside, keep forgiving, accepting, allowing, letting go. this entire life is a letting go ritual. at the very same time my animal body is spirit playing a role she is invested in. a story to be stored in the records stored inside the sun…for future reference. i am a record keeper. my ancestors came to the table of healing and took the pain through her healing hands. i was given a second chance. needed to go home after that. skip yoga and lay in bed. tired from the night before. over doing it in his apartment where the highway sounds sped up my mind past composure. we get on kicks where it seems best to combine our forces. then i release my grip. it’s all about jumping from the hot to the cold pool right now. emotional self sufficiency. i got this one already. seeing my body as two halves that make a whole. true love is the love i am. red the feminine half and blue the masculine half. he is the one who knows. she is the one who devotes. she is the one who radiates. he is the one who contemplates. she is the expression. he is the reflection. she is desire. he is truth. he seeks shelter within her shell. and together they make up this being named michelle. a complete package of karmic design. taught tarot in one night last night. realized how much i enjoy teaching. most happiness i never know until i try it out. not something i think of first. more but like, take a dive and see how things go. being a catalyst awakening other’s intuition, sharing knowledge, and inspiring self expansion, is a way to feed people. keep feeling maharaji’s words: if you want to enlighten, feed people. this is the way i wish to grow…..