writing to feel love on thursday night….

the only reason i am blogging again, is to find inspiration.  deep emptiness washes through me right now.  it’s not a bad thing though.  it’s a rinsing.  another lighting fast cleanse.  writing in order to not invest in an old tape wanting to play me in this moment.  it wails on like a thirsty dragon, wanting to stay alive.  “i am starving,” he sings.  and i wonder why.  so i ask, “starving for what, thirsty dragon?”  and i get no reply.  suddenly he is gone.  next comes another apparition. another disguise.  like when buddha sat there watching his apparitions of this and that.  i am watching the arrows being pointed at me, with tenderness, as they turn into roses before my eyes.  this is what’s happening in the mind while emptiness encompasses my heart.  emerald, ruby fuschite, apatite, copper, moonstone, jet, prehnite, smoky quartz, and pink carnelian touching skin.  almond milk like moon milk in the tummy.  going within.  on a journey to see him.  (we shall see if we get there.)  the lila is active like a volcano.  hence the emptiness, to balance things out.  choices.  discernment.  trying to figure it out.  let go.  let the mystery flow.  allow life to unfurl and uncurl like an awakening cat.  a cat names universe.  oh yeah, those old comics i used to write.  new age nancy and her cat universe.  wanna get back to that place when i write.  symphonies make dandelions turn from yellow to white.   it is time for me to turn from red to blue.  and from me to you.  what is it i am saying, i haven’t a clue.  but inspiration returned simply from the writing.  realities are fighting for center stage, during this very detailed and critical venus retrograde.  i’m gonna go sit in the shade, and relax.  how about you?  do you still dream?  thinking about dreams again.  watching the tennis match in my head, between my dream and money, or practical reality as they call it.  funny, aint it?  how money makes it so that a battle is created between doing what you want to do and doing what you must to have food, shelter and all the cultural accouterments?  i don’t like it one bit, yet here it is.  aversion.  gonna give love to it.  why do i love you, aversion?  because you turn me from a mud ball into a pearl.  that’s just my lemon colored glasses talking.  there are those i would not say this stuff too.  that i would just feed, hug, hold, and give water.  like maharahji said, to enlighten, feed the people.  there are many ways to nourish.  my heart is breaking open like a dam, feeling his message…and out rushes the saraswati river into hungry hearts.  this is the calling….