Living on a farm…

ok, so I’ve got a new desire. A new experiment. It’s writing blogs on my phone. Tap tap tap. One finger at a time. The copper slab over my full moon belly keeps me tapping out these thoughts. And is helping me create change. Yep. It’s time. Knew today by the light of my Reiki healer’s reassurance (the kind that only happens when they say it and suddenly you just know it’s right). It’s time to leave the hill. Don’t know when what where or how, but I know I need something completely different. Nurturing. Touch. Earth. Water. The land. Love for the body. It is the gift of healing I must give myself and it comes with a great and difficult sacrifice. My sweet temple. My duties. Community built. But I must go. I know when I know. And so I write this blog as witness if I should falter and cower or forget the mantra. It’s ok to let go. I won’t go backwards. On my walk to this delicious cafe I will miss, I got scared and asked life to give me a sign, because moving to the same thing again doesn’t feel right. Just then, a girl walked up behind me, chattering away. Instant aversion. In my head I said I was so sick of the city. Then I payed attention to what she was saying just as I noticed my aversion. It was this: …yeah, she lives 40 miles outside of Seattle on a farm. Sign? Suddenly it hit me: I need nature but I’m scared of it, and it feels hard to let go of the city. Yet, what if that’s the next journey?  Something totally new and also nourishing to my body, which is the mantra. (As I type this the lyrics, yesterday’s gone, pours into my soul from one of my favorite bands. Sign?) Oooooooo don’t you look back. Feeling it. It’s happening just like she said. I needed to speak it in order to open new doors. I almost did this last year when I was gonna move to the cold woods to be with a man I believed to be my true love. But it wasn’t right, and with that knowing a dream was swallowed up by the earth. Dreams return in new ways. Act 3. Season 5. A new dawn is rising in the palm of Venus. Portland opened my heart but I can’t stay. Not yet anyway. Death brings rebirth. We shall see what comes of all this. If it sticks and sinks into the cells of my Michelle existence. All I know is in this next phase the body reigns with spirit the creator, playing the role of me. No externalizing the power source to any being or creature, yet feeling my connection to the larger earth, Galaxy, universe, life as other. A mutual mirror effect. Narcissus and his reflection in the shadows. The beloved glistening like a drop of dew with milky morning light. Finger zinging from the tapping…