love wins, truth wins, the sun heats up on friday….

everybody has their sweet spots.  for me, even though i am “spiritual”, i don’t like all those spiritual festivals, or ecstatic dance, or any type of group gathering of celebration for a spiritual purpose.  my sweet spot is one place…dancing eighties at a gay bar.  particularly the one on the hill, where you can be as free as you want, and nobody cares.  which is what i did last night, for hours, before watching one of my favorite bands from the eighties perform live, for pride.  i wanted to cry with joy as i swayed my hips and moved my lips to the lyrics.  even though i am not gay, i find a sense of belonging in the gay bars.  maybe cause the plight of gay people is rooted in being outcasted, and that’s my wound too for other reasons.  never felt belonging around well adjusted types.  whatever the case may be, eighties is not in style anymore, so it’s hard to find, and i don’t like to dance to modern pop or techno….but boy oh boy, having a few vodka sodas and dancing till i can’t move anymore to all those old songs, with the same dorky fervor i do in my own home, in the darkness spiked with neon lights and the sparkling disco ball, sweating, and losing myself in the music…bliss.  the temperament of eighties music is forever toned into my heart, a book of love.  and book of love, they were just as good as always.  handing us roses.  as my friend put it, simple happy music.  then to wake up this morning to the court ruling gay marriage legal in the whole country, wow.  hope.  optimism.  joy.  proof.  spent fifteen minutes on facebook liking everybody’s happiness.  for a moment, everything feels right and good within and without.  as the heat rises into the air…i will remember this week.  the fire of the sun stoking and stroking its little ones, us humans.  making steps toward truth and progress.  i even stayed up till 2 am last night, which i never do anymore.  i slept till 10 am, which i never do anymore.  and you know what, it felt just as wonderful as it did ten years ago.  i haven’t changed in this way, though i drink much much less.  guess i keep contemplating this, as so many of my friends have babies and their lives become about nuclear families.  but there those of us who don’t do that too.  variety.  walked passed lady krishna on the street in her new blue jumper in big black floppy hat, and thought, i am more of a woman like that.   never did feel akin to the nuclear family living thing.  i wonder if the hill will still keep being gay?  i hope so.  they just painted rainbows on four of the crosswalks.  even if the yuppies are moving now, will the gays stay or leave?  the artists are leaving cause we cannot afford to stay.  i have never stayed anywhere.  that’s another thing.  some of us move a lot.  i value community.  in fact, being here in seattle this time around, has taught me the value of community.  i am open to staying.  this is my community and i love it, even when i hate it.  like any family, there is the good, the bad, the ugly.  the hill is a place i give to every single day.  it’s a place i know more intimately then any other place on the planet.  why here?  love has no reason.  you love who, what, and where you love, it’s not up to you.  i don’t believe it is anyway…