sorrowful saturday….

it’s weird that the night before the day of the charleston church shooting, i wrote about the innocence of hatred.  and then the news reveals the shadow of hatred.  prejudice and violence.  again.  i don’t understand how a person can think that a skin color is bad or less than human.  it doesn’t make sense to me.  i can understand at least the petty battle of why somebody would think a religion is bad, because a religion contains content and beliefs… but skin color is just skin color.  it’s so illogical.  not that i condone any form of hatred turning into violence, or hatred turning into beliefs that people are less than equal.  not at all.  in my heart, all of life is equal, no matter what your belief, skin color, species, or anything that differentiates you from me.  it’s hard to understand prejudice in my heart.  i do understand it though, objectively.  a kid is raised in household where he is taught since birth that his race is superior and other races are inferior.  so by the time he is seven years old, he is ingrained with the belief by his parents.  maybe he is also raised with abuse of some kind.  maybe he is hit by his parents, ignored, neglected, sexually abused, teased at school, emotionally abused.  maybe he watches a ton of violence on tv.  maybe he has a chemical imbalance that goes untreated.  the equation falls into place as to why he opens fire on innocent people in their most vulnerable moment.  my heart breaks for their sudden violent deaths, and the loved ones left behind to mourn them.  this is hatred of a completely different form, than that of the child-like hatred which lasts for two minutes and is gone.  it’s hatred as an illness.  as a result of the shooting, all these stories of prejudice are cropping up on facebook.  a picture of a man wearing the nazi swastika waiting for the bainbridge ferry was posted.  it scared the crap out of me.  i thought about the post i wrote about christmas, and felt for a moment, fear of being targeted for being jewish.  being killed for it.  being abused for it.  earlier this week, in a reiki session, i had a very old vision of prejudice of a native species of seattle being humiliated, raped, enslaved, and killed off by those who thought them to be inferior.  this karma has been going on for so long.  it’s an infection.  a deep seeded illness that needs help.  the infection is hatred mixed with lack of empathy, and a lust for violence.  skin colors, religions, or whatever else used to differentiate, are only the scapegoats for this sickness to illustrate itself.  it’s not the targeted race, religion, sexual orientation, etc…it’s the desire to abuse, humiliate, and kill, activated inside of the human.  humans with this desire will create the target, no matter what.  where does this desire to be cruel come from?  from deep inside.  not from a devil or anything on the outside.  it’s a desire for power on some level.  and a lack of love that created the desire for power. there’s an emotional disconnection too.  which causes the lack of love to be experienced in the first place.  when love and acceptance are not taught, given, and shared among people, this is what can happen to the psyche.  it’s a collective problem.  it’s showing us how fucked up our society is on many levels, which is a book length explanation to write about.  the human species is capable of being everything from peace loving to violent hating.  we create the destiny of our species.  those who want to love all people and all of life equally, mix with those who wish to kill off or enslave those they believe to be inferior.  the former are in the majority, i feel.  don’t you?  doesn’t it seem like most people are loving and not prejudice?  maybe i am wrong, but i don’t think so.  it’s just that the violent hating sickness stands out, because it causes so much pain.  just like you can have a hundred days of peace and one day of tragedy, and that one day will stick out much more than the hundred days.  plus, as far as violence goes, the people who die from it, are gone as human people forever, and those who loved them must process not only there sudden departure, but the injustice of there deaths, which really, is too much to process for anybody.  it’s a tragedy, and tragedy means tragedy.  there are no happy endings to tragedy.  i wish i had a magic wand to make all the violence go away.  but i don’t.  and here it is before us.  what is happening?  i don’t know.  i feel sad, scared, and confused….and i hope we, as a species, can find a solution to this sickness that causes tremendous heart ache over and over on repeat….