weird feeling wednesday….

feel like i am writing this blog out of a desperate need to take my subconscious to the bathroom.  three nights of horrible dreams.  can hardly recall the circumstances, but the feeling is me being left with nothing, alone, returning to places i don’t want to go on exodus, i cannot even explain it, like david lynch eerie, destitute dreams.  i can’t tell if this is because change is coming and i am scared of it, or if my subconscious is creating a self sabotage pattern because of the healthy equanimity i have been living with the past few weeks.  like really stable physically, mentally, emotionally, soulfully.  or maybe it’s the reiki session i had, that opened a painful story of karma beginning with the yetis that once lived in this region?  i don’t know.  i feel pain underneath all of this health though.  i feel alone.  disconnected from everything and everyone around me.  this is the honest feeling, so need to say it out loud.  you would not notice it on the outside. i am going to work, yoga, seeing friends, etc…but everything feels different.  since i got back from vegas, everything feels different.  i am trying to get back to feeling connected to my surroundings like i did before i left, by keeping up with my routine and giving my heart to those i love, including my work place.  cause i don’t understand this feeling, and i don’t want it to cause any unnecessary destruction in my life.  self sabotage can be very sneaky, you know.  it can show up in all sorts of ways.  like ways that seem like growth or joy.  but not sure it’s that at all.  guesses are all i have.  anyhow, whatever is making my dreams all weird and this feeling of being disconnected from my surroundings happen….is a valid thing emerging, and i shall treat it with care and respect, even though i am wary too.  the sky still has this silvery tone over the blue.  could it be i am sensing a natural disaster?  could it be that, like carl jung, i am sensing something terrible about to happen, like he felt world war two before it happened?  who knows.  these striking feelings that flash like lightning inside of me, and take house, are what they are.  i shall observe them and ignite more humor.  need more humor.  must have humor.  must get ready for yoga now. it’s all gonna be ok.  i know it will be, on the macro level…even if the animal in me is crying out to the moon, like the yeti did before the pillagers arrived to take her home away…