saturday’s early bird special…

how i love working with stones.  spending the day getting them out from the back and onto the floor.  i missed them.  wasn’t quite as easy to get back to “the public”.  but i have pms and a case of my north node 12th house desire to get away from community and go into solitude.  always torn.  accepting being always torn.  in solitude i would crave community.  green grass wishes course through the mind as reliable as being human while thinking them.  insomnia and a back ache last night.  though exhausted to the point i could not do anything but lay in bed after work.  then i realized my body was clenched.  i have been expecting the worse.  fear sizzling through the bones.  remembered yoga class from morning time, how i had let go and let my breath breathe me, sinking into trust, allowing gravity to hold me.  everything’s gonna be ok.  body relax.  mind let go.  fell asleep with ease once i caught the dis-ease, the dis-trust, the old program sneaking in again.  let it go.  don’t figure anything out.  don’t control it.  sink into love.  underneath this armor and clench is a sensitivity burning.  overwhelmed by everybody’s opinion and the cognitive dissonance of my own way of living.  let it pass through.  accept every feeling without manipulation.  the work is here.  bright blue sky, you contrast what is behind these eyes.  a warm grey, like winter.  the picture i see is climbing onto a spaceship.  an exotic journey.  there’s a dark blue stone hidden in mamma earth underneath columbia and she wants out.  so much wonder in this illusion.  life being everything in the samsara.  when i focus on the beauty i feel the sweetness return.  weary heart but also sunrise heart.  blank mind but also mind gripping.  just keep breathing.  the pele report said it was all about feeling duality this week and accepting the polarity, without needing to be right or fix anything.  totally.  gonna go for a long walk now.  let summer be my sacred other, listen to the birds and smile when passing cute dogs.  let go of wanting to care take…liberate this inner mother….