valuing vegas….

writing this from vegas.  the beautiful desert.  what a treat it is for me, to sit on a private patio in feel the sun, listen to the birds, be still with the stillness.  in the city, i have no private refuge to be with the outside.  best i can do is open my windows wide.  the desert dries me out.  emotions simmer.  time with family.  taped television.  silence.  asleep by 10 and up by 6.  the purity feels good.  not many thoughts.  rabbits everywhere.  hummingbirds.  joey the cat always crying to be outside.  beige soft couches.  dark green walls.  rest from the bustle.  amazing how different life expresses itself in different places.  seattle is cosmic, moody, magical, busy.  vegas is earthy, consistent, quiet, open.  because i am visiting too, and don’t go to casinos or anything.  exist like a coyote on the edge of the city, tucked up against bright red mountains.  red and blue and yellow.  bats flapping wings all night.  i feel needless.  can see my yapping mind so clear, from here.  the hunger that is mental and illusion.  the peace beneath.  i am not my body, i am not even my mind.  sadhguru comforting me before sleep.  krishna das pouring through headphones on the plane.  each person me, and me each person.  all one.  identifications slithering down the drain temporarily.  a large ceramic rooster filled with silk flowers staring at me.  drinking coffee from a mustard colored mug.  no need for forty stones of armor.  dreams intense.  saying both yes and no, attraction and aversion, to a man.  this whole mercury retrograde gemini, feels all about experiencing polarity within, and honoring both sides.  capricorn-cancer polarity of my moon’s nodes.  wanting community and wanting to be alone.  both people and solitude feel equally good.  drinking up this solitude week with my folks.  i am filled with thirst but have little hunger.  thirsty for the fresh air, water, silence, rest, purity, innocence.  the kind of love that makes the eyes moist and grow wider.  body tired.  almost limp.  tummy swelled still.  not sure why.  talking to the sun.  laying by the pool.  snippets.  it’s 7 am and already getting hot out…