wednesday inside and outside fog….

vibrational matching.  we draw to us, what we already are.  facing fear.  inner work.  cleaning the mirror of my heart.  letting go of outcomes.  ok to be without love.  but then not.  i always have two sides.  i am always both.  the die hard romantic, wont allow herself to be swayed by a spiritual practice to “feel good”.  she says something like, “i will write out the pain.”  the buddha me observes and responds with, “that’s ok.”.  inner negotiations always happening when you have a libra moon.  it’s cool.  seeing old friends.  men whom i love completely one hundred percent.  one day this unconditional love will translate into a sexual love.  it’s funny because i don’t know what this feels like, so i can only trust the invisible bridges to lead me there.  staying open.  on okcupid cause you never know.  love is not in my control.  with the right person i can be afraid.  no big deal.  i am in this no big deal phase i suppose.  spring time takes off those deep heavy winter coats.  i show up in every spot the same.  loving presence.  it’s all the same on a certain level.  whether i am on the mountain looking out over a vista, or walking the cement past the beggars….i am being this me person, and i can choose to be loving.  i choose it.  the only thing i know for sure is my eternal impermanence and being a loving being.  let all other knowledge fall like a waterfall.  cleansing the mirror of my mind too.  feeling innocent.  want to do things too.  make beer.  write a novel.  sell stones.  go to shows.  walk on invisible bridges.  fight for rent control.  skip yoga and channel my new character.  let body rest and waft.  switch from the hot pool to the cold pool with greater ease.  be solid like a stone and flowing like a breeze.  one thing i have missed about hanging around men, is laughing all the time.  they bring me lightness every time.  i love this.  on my own, and with other women, i default into seriousness.  i think i am repeating myself.  so much writing to do….so little time…this blog is all over the place.  i am using writing it to unwind.