tiny thoughts from a flitting mind…

intense dreams last night.  about fundamentalism, christianity, a friend, a man, the country, the devil in me.  another great hollywood bullshit movie from beginning to end.  i have an inner las angeles psyche, complete with all the trappings of the good verses evil human myth, sorrow and redemption, love and sex, you get the gist.  not sure what spawned this hollywood movie dream last night.  possibly due to getting attuned to myth, i guess.  big picture.  deep picture.  big deep picture.  always caught between wanting to write a book and a movie.  secretly wanting to make a movie, but it’s too overwhelming to think about. but the desire is there.  to turn painting into directing.  to turn tubes of paint into characters and brushes into actors, and to make it come alive on screen.  dammit.  why do i always gotta dream so big?  the workers are right out my window this morning.  i could open my window and give them coffee.  they continue to soothe me.  i could not tell you why.  there is no why anyhow.  did you know that?  the meaning is in the living.  did you ever see the movie, “to live”?  if not, watch it.  it’s really good.  one of my favorites of all time.  so is “the sheltering sky”.  need to watch both again.  some mornings i wish i could wake up to a big screen and dark room and sink into the day watching stories.  or get lost in a book and forget my own life.  either way.  the story is gripping my heart.  each one of the workers out my window has a story, and their story goes back for generations.  every human alive is the blossom opening from the stem of their bloodline.  we live and we die, here on this planet.  though the stories don’t die.  only the body.  the ram das documentary i watched the other night, sunk into my bones.  you never know what’s gonna happen to the body you got.  people always focus on messages like: so don’t take it for granted.  but ram das reminds me to focus on the message of: every bad thing is allowing the mind to be more free.  the entire goal of spiritual india, is to free the mind of physical focus.  isn’t that interesting?  that the mind is the only aspect of being human that prevents us from feeling authentically connected to life as a whole, in all the ways that the mind cannot comprehend?  so much, that we need an entire spectrum of spiritual practices to teach the mind to lay the fuck off.  ha.  orange is the color of the mind laying the fuck off.  this is interesting to me too.  i just wanna go to mexico and sink into feelings by the power of that land.  so many places to visit i have never been.  i wonder if i will…ever.  feeling a bit sad today.  nothing i can pin-point.  not of the mind.  my impetus is to give every living human honor, by bringing to light, their story.  i don’t want anybody to die unloved and dishonored.  i guess this is my mind trying to speak the sorrow in my heart.  thing about the practice of getting the mind to lay the fuck off, is that underneath the mind, is effulgent love.  it’s just there, you don’t have to try to get it.  you just need to remove what’s in the way.  the slow repair is a removal system.  the love is already within us.  kd’s voice reminds me every time.  the path of the heart makes it easier, makes life a living art.  we all have our ways.  my old friend who turned fundamentalist christian, she found her way.   and i have problem with it.  i have a problem with people surrendering their will to an external power source that is counterfeit.  this is how i feel.  real god is true essence locally focused in and as every human, and every form of life living.  you can see this essence as jesus, hanuman, isis, god, goddess, athena, nature, on and on, whatever aspect, whatever name, however you connect… the name is still inside of us.  false god is written by a power hungry ego pretending to be a god, making up a bunch of rules that divide humans and create power structures.  real god would never say gay marriage is wrong.  real god says love is love, no matter what.  real god is disguised as the atoms and the blood.  real god is nature, what can be detected by the five senses and what cannot.  all of it.  everything.  not one being ruling a land.  the land itself and the essence creating the land, as one.  i can only be honest about how i feel.  the love does not change, even if i have to be honest about how my heart feels.  my love is impervious to heart’s feelings, larger than the heart, larger than a personal attachment.  discernment is an important tool you need to implement in the physical realm, though, when being an individual.  does not mean you don’t love.  i can love you and still choose to not be your friend or lover.  to be close to somebody in the physical way…this is where discernment comes into play.  man, this blog is all over the place.  short attention span morning.  people change too.  this is ok.  buzz buzz…