i don’t even know what to call this one….unraveling…

changes.  thank goodness for solitude sunday, to ride with these changes.  jogging in the rain, holding up a van gogh umbrella, splashing water from puddles into my sneakers, feeling happy.  about to get the news.  about to have to let go of seeing krishna das, but so focused on the health of my niece, i don’t even think twice or worry about it.  in fact, not going to see him is the perfect letting go to the perfect attachment.  my niece will be healthy soon, i can feel it.  i will continue to send her pictures of health and feelings of love.  visiting virginia will be delayed but maybe it’s better to make it a different kind of visit.  all is right in the world.  divine trust because i surrendered to the whole entire organism we are.  to my life purpose and work.  i am here for you.  the part that’s here for me is learning how to be here for me too.  putting heart in the drivers seat.  not lust, shadow, or unconsciousness.  enjoying using the ab roller which is really weird cause usually i hate doing exercises to target muscle groups and all that scientific athletic stuff.  gotta be open.  you never what will make you happy.  a happy day even as i felt cranky.  because underneath the moon time, is a quiet blue lily, sitting soft on dark waters.  all i wanted to do after steeping in joe bar’s apple green walls, drinking an almond milk latte, and reading white cobra’s myth…was to get to here.  my solitude abode of magic.  and here i am, in it.  facing my window that looks like a sea-jewel, as i soak in red golden candle lit orange sandalwood krishna das syrupy walls high in the sky, cozied in a nest, to be able to flow in the way i need to feel my best.  this is the me part.  the you part is…at a certain level, there is no distinction between you and me, us is who we are only.  and that level is closer to origin then the level where you are a you, and i am a me.  as individuals we swing far out on the tire swing and play.  together, we are the burning core of the sun that makes this day.  so i am here for you.  i am here to put you in your right place.  not with anything i say, or do…but just by being me, being next to you.  this is what it means to be 44. the 33 me, surrenders.  and 3, 6, and 9 live for the dance of physical life, the inhale and exhale, getting together and breaking apart, the movement of the universe….the black hole sucking up every experience and particle of this universe into its body the size of a walnut….then throwing it all up again, to make a new universe.  shiva-shakti.  need to feel life right now.  not get too much in the head.  can’t let anyone in the bed unless they want to give to my heart.  cannot let any thoughts in the head that act like the men i manifested to mirror my shadow.  those feelings which call forth the shadows are walking their funeral march off the cliff of the ganges, into the mouth of baba yaga, to feed the next generation.  what more can i say?  should i talk about what i ate for dinner like a lucky first worlder?  do i make a comedic video to break up the pressure?  who are you, perfect group?  how do we get this started?  you are my soul mates.  you are my true loves.  not just one.  one romantic love.  sun to my moon.  man to my woman.  both to my both.  but to the group, just as devoted…