tiny venting from a snail…

love is going to surprise me, isn’t it?  i admit, i am clueless as to who he is.  and i am willing to surrender.  somehow, i feel like he will know more than i will know.  i don’t know. i raise the white flag.  it just keeps being red lights.  okcupid is so annoying too.  i really hate it.  but i am doing my best to not resist any path.  i am so very open.  got the world to give.  so let it come to me while i am not looking.  even if i am looking.  i am probably not looking in the right place.  in other news, i am on fire with soul purpose.  learning so much from this new book.  about unlocking my dna and stuff.  i feel a bit watered down right now though.  perhaps craving the ridiculous.  maybe i have had it with taking things too serious. those darn religious bubbles!  want to feel good.  but i got all this clean up work to do, in my fractal line.  nobody said big purposes were glamorous.  but jeez, i just want to sate the creature for once, and not with food or booze. with love.  you know, it’s just the grist.  repeat, it’s just the grist.  will be good to get to vegas this week, and chillax with my family, not work, not do anything but exercise, watch tv, pet joey the cat, and be a creature, as i can be with family.  can you tell i am all souled out?  burned out.  burned out on wrong dates, red lights, bad timing, transmuting, guiding, blah blah blah.  i will stay optimistic though, you just wait and see.  if there’s one thing i got, it’s tenacity.  these late night blogs contain some weariness, sure.  don’t you feel a little of it?  i feel both weariness and fire.  i re-painted my lovers painting, and i feel him with me in spirit.  i got more information on my book, maybe.  but i still feel somewhat lost.  it’s always the same with me, i know the deep roots, but the world’s expression of those roots seem to evade me.  i am like a snail or an oyster, with no eyes.  i smell everything.  i am a hub for souls.  i know the truth.  but i just don’t grasp the form. or something.  for me to do my soul work, the creature needs sating.  there.  finis.  this continual longing must cease already.  how much friggen yoga, and how many stones can i wear?  this is a vent.  so be it. vulnerable me.  god, i am weary.  wishing to be scooped up and held tight in his fire dragon arms.  admitting how all i can do is to keep surrendering.  the little bits of love i get along the way, i am ever so grateful for.  thank you magical men.  blah blah blah.  it’s so ironic that i go to vegas to chill out.  that it was there i had my spiritual awakening.  that it was there i found my soul.  i feel ten years old.  i feel silly.  this is one of those nights….