powerful full moon day of being in a trance, staring out the window, and speaking with luna…with a dash of existential blues in the mix. as to be expected because leo energy is where my saturn sits, placing me in a cauldron of karma and limitation. for me, life tends to be deep, soulful, intense, mysterious and vast…not the light-hearted egoic shining of leo at his best. never worn a crown and skated the surface for a fun ride. got my pride humbled before i was old enough to know the difference. so yeah, there’s an edge to me right now. not to mention leo is my seventh house of partnership, heightening my longing. no big deal. i shall observe the edgy flower, and remember kd’s talk about all the bricks he realized were surrounding his heart, and that he could take them down with awareness. me too. i see my bricks. another brick in the wall. and i take them down with awareness. the past slithers away like a snake. the future is baking in the oven of, as above so below, love is the strongest force i know. image: riding a cruiser bike along a sea side cliff, looking for a picnic spot…it’s 62 degrees, early autumn, a mild breeze carries the scent of dying leaves, the sky is white and grey, swelled but unable to rain. he is riding ahead of me, going faster, wanting to feel the speed of the bike mix with the thrill of the wind swelled with a potential storm. i am riding slow, staring at the waves down below, wondering what creatures i might speak with. there’s no more dark sea floors holding isolated children captive with emotions. no more shadows on the cave wall. no more melted popsicles dripping over the curb, uneaten. life has its two parts. the part where you let go of attachment and connect to love within as sustenance and truth….and the part where you honor attachment and create your physical life with hopeful investment. the latter is where leo arrives proud and tall, saying, “i got this.” was talking with a female friend about how we love the deep relaxation felt when a man says, “i got this”. to surrender into his protection and provision is a feminine desire coming from a mysterious place inside the nature of being human. my masculine energy i’ve nourished for a while now, to put my feminine energy at ease, allowing her to be at peace…i got this, i say to myself…go to yoga, write, get to bed, don’t drink too much, stay away from sugar, use your imagination, have fun today, let go, see it as a meditation, arrive into the present, etc. before harnessing the inner masculine, i was always wafting and floating, like leaves and mist. always. like if the flow turned itself into a human, it would be me. didn’t work so well to be incarnated flow. flow is half of it. we need the two parts to make the whole. masculine and feminine, life and death, dark and light, attachment and non-attachment…the key is not to deny one for the other, or inflate one over the other…that creates imbalance and suffering. the key is to honor both polarities as mirrors of one another, and to seduce these polarities into making love with one another…because when the do…they blossom into full color new life… a future tasted on the tip of the dreams of those with poetic hearts and open minds. alchemy. honoring the feminine energy of divine form, darkness, attachment to the form, the creation, the embodiment, honoring deep feelings, intuition, imagination, flow, limitation, yielding, tenderness, nurturing, the journey…and honoring the masculine energy of divine force, light, non attachment to form and to the creation of embodied life, honoring higher reason and vision, structure, expansion, discipline, outcomes, protecting and providing so that the vision is achieved. well, that’s an off the cuff spew of the differences. then, when both polarities are honored and come together as equals, losing distinction in the alchemical storm of love making, the polarities birth into something new, beyond what our feelings, reason, and conception could possibly know to be true….
(oh boy, all over the place this morning…)