brrr. so cold in my apartment. the colored lights help. yellow and purple, blue and red. music pouring through. guess who? yep, still krishna das. purifying in the ashram. creative spewing. chewing on this karma fat and spitting it out over a hot fire rising in the night, reminding me of the savage percolating within. animal. wolf wailing to the moon. venus pours through the crown all warm. copper waterfalls down. the heater ticks, my little electric creature. not channeling this week. oh well. phases. don’t take it personal. mu will return after these messages. want to learn how to make beer to see if i like it. want to sing with a friend playing acoustic guitar, and harmonize with him, like i used to back in the nineties…when staying up all night drinking coffee and writing a song was the most fun thing. cept now maybe it’d be yerba mate. a bit tired of being aware. anais nin called it oblivion. she craved it. and she found it in mexico. her oblivion. maybe i need some too. to dive so deeply into life, awareness vanishes. so in the moment, even the observer is gone. which isn’t the same thing as not being present. because the former is spirit (the observer) playing the Fool and diving into ego (self), forgetting from whence it came and where it’s going….while the latter is the ego and spirit dissociated from one another. feeling the cravings of spirit, longing to forget itself by being me, losing its memory of origin, allowing the human moment to be truly all that exists. this is spirit’s poetry. every wound is an epic quest. and each joy a golden rest. gold sheen obsidian, are you doing the talking? was tested earlier too today at work. challenged. learned i can deflect even the most seductive of shadows and not allow empathy to drag me in. aversions serve a purpose. strange world this is, humans glittering with complexities in the form of perspectives weaving tapestries that mirror nature in every way, and then some. k, time to go, and i just want you to know, i love you.