feeling better blog….

i’m better!  hip hip hooray and shit.  now, i feel totally tired due to laying around for three days, plus pms, plus mars in pisces…all making me wanna be still, and live in a dream world.  gonna gently push myself to go for a walk in nature before work today.  intense dreaming last night, speaking of.  reassuring though.  usual cataclysmic stuff, plane almost crashing, tidal waves, no more society, survival mode etc.  sprinkled in, was the theme of being blamed twice for what i did not do, a false arrest, and a new friend saying i was self centered when all i was doing was asking him questions about himself.  or wait, i think he was saying i was giving too much. i dunno, but something where i knew he was wrong.  anyhow, my reaction to  both the end of the world as i knew it, and the unjustified claims of wrong action, was one of calm, self assured, practical step taking movement.  i told the cop i did nothing wrong, as he cuffed me.  i told the new friend i am ending the friendship and walked out.  i knew the plane would not kill me and calmly sat there as it made a rocky landing.  and when the tidal wave crashed over and through the car, i ducked, and then made sure we got the car running and left the shore lined parking lot.  each step of the way, i listened to my instinct and felt at ease.  boy, this is a major feat for me because usually in dreams i am reacting like a lost wounded child. i dare say, my subconscious self is finally transmuting into what my conscious self has been attempting to sculpt it into.  i also wonder, if it was the binaural beats i listened to yesterday.  three hours of it.  one hour for well being and health.  one hour for chakra healing.  and one hour for….i forget.  anyhow, i am a big believer in reprogramming the cellular framework through sound, and binaural beats have always proved to be powerful transformers for me.  maybe that’s why.  whatever the cause, i woke up feeling happy…which proves again, how happiness really does come from inner liberation.  it’s all about being internally independent on a heart level, through compassion, not taking personally the perspective of others, confidence, and most importantly…being love.  this is what i am working on most, and have been since krishna das first lightning struck into my life.  being love no matter what.  in the emperor workshop, my inner emperor told me i needed to love the world.  i see more now, how….transcending childhood cellular imprinting is the key to this.  no longer having the cellular imprinting from the past is the freedom.  cells are the soul and the soul is love.  cells are the key.  my cells are celebrating life this morning.  this motivates me to walk, as i can feel my blood thirst for nature and movement.  taking a week off yoga feels right too.  so i don’t rebel against feeling too automatized and trapped in a pattern.  “how to trick a rebellious constitution so you don’t sabotage your growth”, by michelle bloom.  step one: consciously trip up the routine once every two to three months, so the rebellion gets fed without being denied.  did not do that this time, sickness brought it on, but i shall remember for next time.   i feel better alright.  my thoughts are jumping on a trampoline.  back to buoyancy.  the sky is bright blue, laced with lavender clouds.  and i made it to the other side…with a new found love for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.