surrender spew leads to humanity spew…

pretty sure i am feeling better now.  like 90 percent.  still not ready to go back to yoga i don’t think.  body just wants rest.  it’s hard to mentally let go and allow for this rest. want to push.  but mars in pisces is not about pushing  for one month, it’s about flowing and dreaming myself into action.  no push.  successfully let go again yesterday, of the story and the attachments that cause anxiety and suffering.  back into surrender.  you know that feeling inside, when something is right?  every time i surrender to love, to the divine will, which for me, is love within (not some being in the sky or anything outside myself…for it is not my way to externalize the power source) i feel right.  it’s the way for me in this life.  the one place i find peace, is in surrender.  thank you hermitage, for getting me back here.  thank you aragonite…how i love stones.  i dare say i am obsessed with stones.  stones are not objects.  they are beings, and they live largely through humans.  stones carry out their dreams through humans.  i feel so akin to stones, rocks, crystals…this is why i love the desert so much, it’s all rock.  anyhow, i feel mother earth living through me, dreaming me into being, and i feel mother earth being the dream of the milky way, living through her, and i feel the central sun living through the milky way…on and on…there is no empty space.  life is honey, all one.  the bees know.  all conceptual models of what is life, wash away like sand castles built by a child’s hands.  i look at the human world in all its misery, people taking their god so serious, judging, killing, fearing, prejudice, believing in eternal damnation, and other such ideas grown from fear…and my heart wants to break for the counterfeit delusions causing suffering.  i understand atheists and why they refuse to engage in any spiritual heart opening, because religious intolerance is so delusional and causes so much pain, not to mention that these creation stories are like fairy-tales for a kids brain.  and i see how science was born from purity, but now has become an equal and polar opposite intolerant religion, in how it only worships what can be detected with the five senses of the human body, very limiting and closed minded, as equally childish in my opinion.  when you deny any aspect of being, it becomes intolerance and breeds ignorance, be it denying reason and the five senses, or denying feelings and life beyond the material world, and what the human body perceives.  i take neither side, nor do i judge religious fundamentalists and atheists, because they have their path, they have their reasons for believing.  true, that only religious fundamentalists cause harm to others by judging (and killing) others in the disguise of it being “gods will” and not their own, where as atheists let others be who they are, and are humane.  there is that, and that’s huge.  but i do wish both extremes would fall, and for science and spirituality to merge, once and for all, so that these counterfeit models of thinking could be replaced with a curious heart felt appreciation for the enormity of life as the deity, nature itself.  for science to see that atoms are conscious and sentient, creating and dreaming…and for religion to understand that body and soul are one, and god is everything, all of life is god, every form imaginable, and to allow all, while using morality as a guide to being humane, and not a dogmatic cosmology.  for dualistic perception to fall, this would be my wish.  this is my perception.  the god i feel is life itself, and steeping in mystery.  it is conscious and sentient, as atoms are, as the rocks are, the animals are, the earth is, the galaxy is, the stars are, the other dimensions that cannot be detected by this material form, other beings on other dimensions, on and on.  the very material of the universe is conscious sentient life disguised as form….and i am sure from “its” point of view, the story is completely different.  this is the mystery and the love affair.  i am surrendered to the mystery…as my memories of living on other dimensions, planets, pasts and futures, come to me in firefly flashes, and i know that my human brain has to give me pictures of what my humanity can understand.  who knows what it means outside of this human suit.  life is infinite and mammoth.  if i reduce truth to any literal interpretation of what human-me perceives, i shrink wrap the mystery into the image only, i exclude, and lose the real meaning, which can only be felt.  because feelings don’t have limits.  but mental concepts do have limits, and they turn into beliefs that limit life.  where as the direct experience felt, is limitless and allows for god to remain a verb, ever changing, as life is ever changing…promoting wonder…where creation stories can evolve as metaphors to help us connect mentally and open heart, but are not taken literally.  the diplomat in me does not want to make any person’s belief become invalid with my judgement…so let me end this with, i judge not the person, but i do judge the beliefs, i do judge radical exclusive thinking as harmful to human growth and thorn in the side of love.  my impetus is to be naked presence…without the all the garb and bobbles of belief systems.  i have an entire myth i live by at the same time…and i embrace the paradox by turning my myth into fiction stories and poems of life.  with laughter i touch the divine within.  if you wanna externalize the power source, that’s cool.  if you want to think atoms are just objects that make life appear, and only the human mind animates this atomic life with meaning beyond the material object of the atom, so be it.  extremists are here too.  we are all here.  my wish is for love, tolerance, respect, and understanding…and so i shall do my best to tolerate the intolerant….as i judge the concepts only, and not the soul…and discern without judging, whom i spend my intimate time with….juggling the factions of life.  wow, did not expect all this to come out.  time to take a shower and forget about it…