full moon cancer causation….

full moon tonight, lunatics.  at 8:53 pm west coast time.  you feeling it?  extra excited about this full moon because it’s in cancer, which is ruled by the moon, so she’s really radiating, putting on her priestess dress, and licking our, encrusted with thought heads…cleaning us like a mamma cat.  it’s the first full moon of 2015, too.  reminds me of a football player kicking a field goal.  metaphors tumble in like snowy marbles…feeling somewhat loopy…like my head’s a tilta-whirl…like my third eye is being refurbished by little lunar bees.  open my shades to see.  was keeping them shut to hold in heat, but it’s warmed up a few degrees, and now i can look out upon the soft brownish-stained, grey sky, covering glossy wet rooftops, leading down to the little slice of puget sound, revealing himself between two skyscrapers.  each night i dream of being with a different man, and it’s strange or off in some way…like last night…i did not know if he was shy, or just emotionally distant.  seems i often vacillate between two perspectives.  this is my libra moon’s dance for sure, but also…and where the lesson is…is how to trust your feelings…because when you do…you are free from doubt and flowing in life is the result.  very interested in doubt’s identity right now.  keep seeing doubt as bowling ball pins, set up in a row, taunting the bowling ball heart, “you can’t hit me.”  every time i bowl, which is rare, it’s the same story.  start off sinking the ball into the gutter right off the bat cause my arm turns to the side.  can’t do that running start thing effectively, cause it’s too fast.  so instead, i stand up at the top, right by the line, and i focus on keeping my arm straight while make sure the force in my arm stays consistent, along with the form.  mindfulness.  gets me a strike right away.  from gutter ball to strike due to being aware, focused, and consistent…so long as the desire is there beneath, keeping the coals hot.  funny, how doubt is what’s occupying my brain right now.  reason is, cause pooling up in heart, is a beautiful lunar deluge wanting to carry this brain into a new flow of living.  i can feel it.  and thing is, with most of us,…we fear and doubt love and beauty more than what we are used to feeling and experiencing.  we get used to our boxes and identify with them.  the scraps or nuggets become enough, while forgetting the wellspring love could be, when we learn to let go, open, and trust ourselves, trust love….even though it’s scary at first….anyhow… i can’t tie this thought up nicely right now, and sum it all up.  cancer full moon doesn’t care.  it’s all syrup on pancakes.  smelling turmeric boil on the fire in the kitchen.  golden spice fills with bliss.  this blog is sentence after sentence skiing down a big mountain.  hit or miss.  what’s up with all these sports references?  i don’t ski or bowl.  i don’t.  i do.  me, me, me.  you, you, you.  identifications stack on the endless yet temporal shores of memory…..the past flits and glitters like a firefly you see, then don’t.  full moon cancer, i love you….