tiny thoughts sprinkle before the full moon…

i don’t know what to write.  feeling a bit dull.  moon void of course.  bad nights sleep.  restless.  dreams of death and rebirth.  got my pyrite on.  feeling the sensitivity of others.  full moon cancer coming in like a soft deluge.  moods.  the full moon cancer brings up feelings and nudges us toward emotional intelligence.  seeing how i am learning to put up boundaries with others.  when helping guide people through their inner darkness is your profession and also your constant inner work, the last thing you wanna be doing when not working, is helping others process their inner darkness.  learning how to say no even more, even if they don’t like me or feel offended.  this does not happen too often anymore, people dumping on me.  ten years ago, i was always available for dumping, i did not know how to say no, or that i could…i was hiding behind it.  progress is real.  when not working, i would rather be laughing, contemplating, dreaming and scheming, exploring, enjoying.  happiness has become so damn simple, and i never thought that would be the case, but all is cyclical.  these days, there is not a lot of inner darkness swirling around.  reached a pinnacle in the cycle.  this year, the work is more about bringing to fruition, this story in my bones.  was having a mini freak out in my head last night, about how i am going to weave this tale into something cohesive.  feeling insecure.  that’s cancer full moon too.  but i know deep down, i can do it.  i will do it.   all challenges are a bowling ball trying to get a strike, and the pins are the doubts.  i watch my doubts sit there in their geometric shape, trying to seduce me.  mirror mirror on the wall, who is the observer of it all?  surprisingly not longing too hard for romantic love…not due to any feat within…but cause i feel him with me.  don’t know who he is, but i feel him comforting me, being with me, even though we are not together in the physical.  yoga keeps me feeling centered and strong, teaches me faith, rises in my blood like a pink dawn.  was thinking about how strength was the theme of last year.  wonder what it will be this year?  i went back to eating meat last year.  still torn about this.  makes my body feel really good and my heart feel sad.  there’s always a sacrifice in this realm.  this realm is supposed to be symbiotic.  thanking it all, dark and light, death and life, over cups of tea in the cold dark night.  made an oil for mu at work, in a manic fit of wonderment and inspiration…himalaya, neroli, jasmine, orange, lime, vanilla, myrrh…seven oils, seven priestesses, seven the number of the moon…luna….oh luna…i am your lunatic….feeling you and loving you stronger then ever before…the falling in love never ceases…the longer i know you the more i love you, the deeper the love goes, dear moon….i will paint you a thousand times and more, i will devote oils and stones to you, speak your voice, and be your reflection….