blog that turns to mist and leaves…

dreamed of being in a room with special stuff in it or something, and there was this special stone, a citrine, with water trapped in it, water from forever-ago.  i was playing with it.  there were other people.  something about me knowing how special the things in this room were, me not totally grasping it.  you know when you can only recall tidbits of the dream, but you feel the dream in your heart, like a memory?  this has been the feeling the past couple of nights…when i wake in the morning, i feel my dreamtime like it’s a place, and i remember being in that place, even though i am now in the waking consciousness place.  it’s a new feeling for me…i know i am feeling the life of dream-time, the soul of dream-time.  maybe it’s the beginning of remembering more dreams, and perhaps being able to lucid dream?  we shall see.  i hope.  the frequency is shifting with me currently.  felt it with my clients last night too, as the words tumbled from my mouth, not me saying them…it is never it me saying them when i give readings, but usually it requires a certain effort to keep me out of the way to let the voice of universe out.  yesterday it was effortless.  yoga was also effortless yesterday.  i was watching myself go through my practice wondering who was going through it.  curious to see if this is new growth, or a passing phase.  what it feels like inside, is that a new me took over the old me.  like when you give your operating system an upgrade.  feels like a larger me just entered the smaller me, making smaller me obsolete.  perhaps another layer was let go of.  the past two yoga classes have been focused on twisting, detoxing, and letting go of what no longer serves.  so maybe it’s just that.  i tend to romanticize everything.  but both are true, the pragmatic interpretation and the romantic one, because the truth is that i am the projector of my experience, as fate spills destiny through and out my body like a gushing indigo water fall.  was sharing this last night with a friend, how i feel fate, how we all arrive here as human, by fate, and it’s not up to us, even though we try to make it up to us, because we want to conquer nature so bad.  and by nature, i mean spirit, cause they are not different.  oneness, nature, spirit, life, god, goddess, universe…these are all words that call upon the same force, we and all of life are.  the layers of consciousness take many forms.  anyhow, due to it being new years eve, i drank too many drinks, because i fell into the collective spell that that’s what is supposed to happen on new years.  not too many by some standards, i never got drunk or anything, but too many for this body…and i look forward to sweating out the toxins on the mat, and not drinking alcohol for a while.  feels yucky, acidic, and my tummy says leave me alone beer and wine.  craving innocence and health, structure and routine.  happier in that mode then when i am free flowing, allowing the collective to shape how i roll.  used to be different.  with age comes a desire for new experiences.  happy that i lived with a sense of borderless wild roaming when i did.  had many experiences i treasure as i took this body to places, whilst suffering, learning, healing, and transforming.  gee, feels like i am writing an end of life post.  maybe i am.  something has died within me.  and if i die today, i die happy.  don’t feel like i will die today though.  this blog turned heavy, but not really.  don’t feel heavy about death.  because death is a part of life.  it’s a part of nature.  as is sorrow, grief, and and loss…

that citrine in my dream….with the eternal droplet trapped in its crystalline body….

the eternal in the temporal….

beauty and wonder….