saturn-day trinkets…

yoga teacher training.  to do it or not to do it?  i know teaching yoga is a part of my calling.  eggs in so many baskets.  saturn in gemini, house 5.  facing limitation.  saturn wanting me to lighten up?  i feel this.  wearing a huge golden skull on my pointer finger.  the mantra is, “time is limited, make it golden.”  a constant reminder to do what is fulfilling and appreciate the gifts even if they are not bliss.  bliss is not in the things.  bliss in the awe of being alive and breathing.  nothing more.  to breathe and be here, is fucking incredible.  drinking dark red wine looking out over this beautiful city, wondering how i got here.  transcending an older version of myself.  puffy quartz heart in the bra, returned.  dreaming hard.  deep ocean callings.  wishing to be swept away to another land by a strong hand for a moon cycle or two.  there is nowhere to escape.  only changes to make.  from the inside out.  no more striving.  heart opening is the way.  feeling so much love inside, to give, to share, to unravel and unwind into the world, into this samsara.  i’m distracted though.  or caught in a wind storm.  or experiencing poor follow through.  with writing anyhow.  maybe it’s too many eggs in too many baskets?  i like to bounce around like a bouncing ball.  i like having five things going on.  extroverted and introverted.  adventurous and routined.  where doth this stagnation lye?  decisions happen only when the eyes can see from the heart’s perspective.  illumination.  love yearning.  wanting to be taken by surprise in a good way.  wanting to not be the strongest force in the room.  wanting wanting wanting.  old ambitions fall away like old buildings crumbling, old regimes dissolving, old leaders dying.  no more ladders or comparison charts.  no more holding on due to fear of falling.  an endless fall into living is the soul’s existence.  a kaleidoscope of experiences before your final breath make up the feeling you have at the doorway to the other side.  swelling like a full moon even though it’s about to be new, tomorrow.  not feeling a center or an end point, not a beginning, nor an end.  so in the moment, i am not even sure it’s me doing the living.  you know what i mean?  do you ever feel life being you?  that’s how it feels today.  i am simply typing down the words life chooses…