just a profound dream is all….

weirdest dream ever.  in the dream, i was being my own oracle, and seeing into the future in various points of my future.  i was living in greenpoint nyc, married to this guy i know in seattle, and singing in a band he played guitar in.  we were not famous, but played shows all the time and had a small following, and i wailed my soul out, every cell of being wailing and wailing.  the guy, in real life, i have not felt romantic feelings for, we are mere acquaintances and have not known each other for long, he feels like tribe to me in real life…but in the dream, we were each other’s one, and it felt very grounded, not like this heady over the top romance, but like, a down to earth, solid feeling.  in the dream, greenpoint was not actually what greenpoint is in real life, but close to it, my favorite part of the city.  the way the dream went down, first i felt the longing to be back in nyc but felt sad because i could not afford it, then i looked into the future, three different times, and each time, saw a different point of our marriage and life in greenpoint, us affording it, and i felt happy to be there.  when i looked forward a bunch of years, like ten or fifteen, i was trying to help us get back to the romance of our union, cause we had lost it and we were acting more like friends, or i felt he had strayed from depression, or something like that, but i was not worried, i felt complete trust.  when looking into the nearer future, it was more about the band, about our shows, about me wailing, i mean like, janis joplin style, really wailing, it felt so good to wail like that.  there was only about twenty people in the audience, but we didn’t care, we were having a good time, and that’s all that mattered.  we did not live a party life either.  we sat on opposite sides of the couch, reading.  and the nyc part, so powerful, it was a feeling of home, of being in the right place.  i woke up from the dream, went back to sleep, and dreamed it again, twice.  so three of the same dream, and in the dream, looking into three points of our future.  i woke up this morning, stunned.  i don’t ever take dreams literal, but i know when a dream is more than a subconscious dump.  for whatever reason, my psyche was really wanting to speak to me last night.  city life, singing, a man i would never think of being with, in real life?  i don’t know.  and the way i was looking into the future to see it?  that was so weird.  i was an actual oracle with my future sight.  i am totally mystified this morning….and realize, with this dream, i don’t know what the hell my future is supposed to look like.  maybe that’s the point.  singing is primal for me.  it’s the first thing i ever wanted to be when i grew up.  i was obsessed with being a singer from the time i can remember, all through youth, but never actualized it, cause of trauma causing fear of people, me hiding away, and focusing on healing and painting, writing, and all things creative-internal.  i also was obsessed with the city as a young person, and have lived in the city through all my adult life as a result.  it is interesting how now, i crave to leave the city, and wonder if i am wrong about this, and maybe just need a break from the city, but still to live in it?  the other interesting thing, is that, even though in the dream i was an aging adult, looking into my fifties and sixties, i never really aged in my heart, or lifestyle.  our home seemed to get nicer with time as i looked forward, but my creative soul and passionate heart remained intact.  as for the man chosen for the dream, all i can think of is that, i know he is also a creative person with a strong moral conscience and spiritual side, and also a city person too…which maybe is a symbol of similarity.  we had similar temperaments in the dream too, cept he seemed more…i dunno…like, not as fiery i guess.  maybe this dream is about not changing that drastically from who i am and how i live now? i really don’t totally understand it.  i believe that the important thing with dreams is to look at the feeling, not the literalness of it, and in the feelings, you find the meaning.  in the dream i felt happy, even when our marriage needed working on, even though we did not have a ton of fans.  the nyc part is mystifying, but maybe nyc showed up because my bloodline comes from there, and there is a feeling of rootedness and home i feel about new york, that i have not experienced any other place.  lastly, there was a lot of quiet time, reading, i want to remember about the dream…a peaceful aspect.  yes, the dream went back and forth from wailing creative spew, to peace on the couch, and from passion in the marriage, to needing to work on it….and the union felt very solid and easy in the dream, even when there were issues, we were so similar in interests and temperament that there was little need for tons of talking.  yes, a lot of understanding due to similarity.  well, no more analyzing, let it simmer.  just wanted to mark this dream down, so i remember, because it goes down as some form of profound oracle given to me from my subconscious.  perhaps it’s just to give me faith that true love is real, that feeling home is real, that i can find home in the city too, and that my creative life will continue to be cathartic and on fire, throughout the years.  that’s all folks…