samhain didi…

samhain has begun.  i feel it.  feels like…where am i?  reality feels different, like velvet and smoke, the sound of bells, and warmth of a big pine tree, squirrel running by, staring up at the sky, looking at the reflections of it in puddled on cement…feeling the dead…feeling the living….feeling both sides.  there is no dead.  only living differently.  feeling infinity.  want to be alone as not to get trapped inside luxurious boxes.  wanting to be with those i love, to laugh and make connections, see the glimmer in the imperfections.  buying krishna das’ book and latest cd.  being interrupted by an anthropologist.  she wants facts too.  not me.  not academic.  never was.  put it in fiction is how this pen rolls like hot ink over cold solid frozen river life, melting the feminine…into a sun.  listening to lana like maple syrup in my brain.  moonstone, flourite, amethyst.  high priestess.  dreaming of waking up in a party house, homeless. disarray.  and yet, i feel so happy for no reason. collide.  confide.  love, i know you are near, but scared like me too.  it’s just silly fear.  diving into old black and white pictures.  my mother as a little girl.  committed to living her love.  saraswati has come from above to below, from within, to the surface.  soon i shall play a veena.  singing into the mirror.  ancestors asking me to sing their dreams into this world. this life.  give her a voice.  give his soul a rest.  yes.  you can rest in my soul.  yes, i am the nest of your heart.  yes, i am blessed to provide.  give me a hand when i fall down the rabbit hole, is all i ask.  make me laugh.  the storm is coming, and this moment wont last.  leaves lemon, plum, brass, and brown, dead and lying soaked on the ground.  silver sky, plumed with swelling clouds.  the sun spread like butter, diffused.  samhain, thin veil, electricity in the air, blow through my hair…wash my mind, and pour into my heart the coming winter…i’ve got boots to walk through it…