little pebble is all…

let’s see if i can blog right now…it’s been rough and peaceful at once, if that makes any sense.  in a way, i am barely hanging on by a thread, and then in a way, everything’s cool.  yeah.  just light the candles.  burn the incense.  listen to the music.  have the allies that warm the blood, open the heart, speak to soul.  there’s always this friggen thing with having to let go let go let go, i am tired of it.  ready for a big fat life adjustment into something that is not doing something heavy, emotionally.  then i think about the state of the human world…feel guilty for wanting lightness, for wanting simple joy…then know i must let go of guilt.  all wrapped up in feelings, feelings, feelings.  i am not in the mountains of india this week, as i wish to be.  i am not in the arms of love’s warmth, like i long to be.  but it’s deeper than that.  or is it?  is it deeper?  the animal is the animal.  i have to laugh.  the piercing through of new life makes constellations of thoughts arise.  i can see it reflected in those around me, close to me. it’s ok to allow yourself to be happy, to trust yourself.  sounds so obnoxious to talk about it, when people are being obliterated by war weapons, raped, defaced….yet no experience ought to be denied.  rosewood to calm the anger.  all stemming from not being earthed by creature affection.  so much on the mental throne, spiritual core, heart’s silent lore, thrust into feeling too much, all at once, drama at it’s very best.  a fine year.  no tears though.  there’s no sorrow at all.  no despair.  the story is in mid-air.  eat an apple before bed.  jagatambe ma durga.  this is all i can say right now.  i am a lame donkey, dreaming….