i tell ya what, it’s hard surrendering and contracting back into limitless love within, trusting that once complete, the wave will expand and crash onto the shore of the external, creating right relationships and happiness from the strong foundation of truth, found only within. there’s a big sentence. the grist is gristing. waking with anger and frustration. seeing it. seeing it project onto others who live what i do not live. knowing i live what others don’t live too. mutual wishing. part of being a creature is the chafing and learning how to love the chafe. coffee and toast. an hour of yoga. sweating out the angst-ridden teenager who wants to tattoo “forever alone” across her chest, full of drama. full of drama, this creature i am housed within. being a me. showering with lavender all natural liquid soap. eating lentils and rice. taking the day off from reading souls. not today. cannot serve you today. working through my own shit. laying on the couch, during the day. (at last!) being able to watch the clouds take various shapes, and move across the sky. there’s a pac man. there’s a primordial bird. there’s a letter. loving my view. feeling peace watching and feeling the sky. desire to do this for days. desire to put down all the goals and striving, and dive into some form of respite. autumn bringing the change? mercury retrograde. a time of reflection. creature longing, same old story. there are areas of life hard for everybody, where things seem to not work out over and over. don’t take it personal. love will make sense one day. soon. eating mush with a ceramic spoon. not yet devoted to a man or the book. devoted only to looking within, and surrendering. back to contraction. inhale. faith. fox dancing around the eyes. fear on the rise. so much fear. can’t we brake through it? break through it already, i am sick of all this contracting! let’s make a new story, and cease with the old reacting. coffee in the evening. a stout. a poem. the way out, presented in music. senses alive. creature held in the arms of spirit, tightly, secured, alleviated. but the pressure rises. the grist. the mud ball becoming a pearl. snot coming out from the nose. sweat pouring out from the pose. skin softened by time. eyes glistening from a glowing inside. candles lit. red bulb with no lamp shade over it. raw. real. alive.