babbling brain riding the wave…

everything begins to feel wet again.  autumn.  watching the rain fall swift and hard at noon, suddenly writing about a girl named betty…as though people who have died, when their souls left, left an imprint of their human lives to swirl around the wind through the leaves and land into hearts of those like me…those with a pen in hand, waiting to catch the story.  i look around me.  find myself steeping in a story.  growing love, rolling hills, shining wishes, hard goodbyes, piecing the entire history of life together in snippets up at the bar while waiting for coffee.  feeling him.  and him in him.  and him in him in him.  when the moon was masculine.  when masculine was cyclical, and the feminine, a strong ceaseless light with dawn and dusk rising and setting each night.  i miss baba. the way he first came up to me.  no words needed.  we spoke different languages of the tongue, but the same invisible language.  feelings understanding feelings.  he was blue and i was olive colored. roamed around because he died and without him, i did not feel like staying…eventually following him into the spirit world, because earthly life felt empty without him.  oh but that was so long ago.  another life.  uranus is looking toward the future, raining visions in my head.  tomorrow i leave for the little island with my sea creature counterpart.  she a narwhal and me a unicorn.  go ahead, make fun now.  (it’s ok).  magic is my favorite friend.  not the kind made with candles, chaos, rules, and wills, that’s not my style.  magic my style is not willed.  it suddenly appears…as a sign, dream, animal, sentence over heard while walking, synchronicity, meeting, understanding, opening, where the dream and mundane blur, becoming something different, larger, knowing i’m in the life i chose…remembering truth in the little moments by a feeling…this is the current story…i suppose.  it’s not about choice, hanuman says, “it’s about devotion.”  i get it.  you don’t choose what and who you feel devoted to.  the key is simply to feel your authentic devotion…