life is weird tonight. i am not in control of my mind, my heart, my me….is what it feels like…like, things are just pouring through…sentences, images, words, ideas, longings. got spooked today at work when i was cleaning the crystal shelf, cause in my mind i suddenly saw the shelf cracking. then it cracked about a minute later, from an amethyst falling. i was calm about it, though a bit spooked cause it did not feel like me. it’s halloween. samhain. the thin veil. but different this year. thinner. more intertwined, the realms. sitting outside the apple green cafe, i paid thanks to the tree. it’s the tree pouring itself into joe bar. just like a tree pours itself into the vajra. sometimes that tree turns into a dragon, and either sucks shit up, cleaning us, or it shoots fire into us, deities falling from its frothing mouth, warm with a peach scent. i keep seeing the blue robed mother, take her robe off and dive into the sea naked. everyone’s wanting to know about love. being alone allows me to get it out. the story i am steeping in. tonight, watching criambique, feeling different feelings course through me, different than before. things are different now. it’s exhausting to talk it about though, too. in my brain, i am tossing the tools into the air and running into a field of lavender. it’s sliding away. all. the lives. fresh means new means today not yesterday. do you ever crave new? i do. strong like a strong brew. the myth is kicking for change. hanuman is leaping over sunsets to get to uranus with the ring. i want to be taken by surprise with what’s laying underneath the same ole story. so i give a new one. in every instance i am able…takes forty stones, that when i get home at night, take forty minutes to de-robe from. takes pose after pose. heat. sweat. signs. singing. listening. please, pluto, let it be gentle this time…the old world isn’t worth it…we want new.