almost the full moon swell…

we did readings at work today, for the next six weeks-full moon in aries lunar eclipse mercury retrograde grand fire trine solar eclipse scorpio flood gate happening.  what to focus on in the physical, what the lesson is, what to let go of, what is being created, and the theme.  white cobra and persephone, on either side of the counter.  i am to focus on the mundane, the lesson is my spiritual practice (writing, yoga, work and being love), what to let go of is, waiting.  odd…to let go of waiting.  but i get it.  it’s a mode of thinking that’s delusion.  flushing waiting down the toilet.  being created is…shit, i forgot.  and the theme is…(i also forgot, do you remember, white cobra?)  anyhow, it makes so much sense that it’s all about being here now, fully.  fully fully.  i feel it too, i feel it so much, it’s like a sunrise. the same way the chanting got to my heart, i am now feeling going to work, or home at night, just being.  he said it would be like that.  layers unfolding.  heart opening.  work is all about how i relate with others.  how much am i willing to show real me?  and to receive real them, even if they give me a mask.  no more mirrors and illusions.  only authentic cooking of souls, occupying these hot body suits that age and crave and….i am a full time wanter, desire coats my bones with thick strawberry jam.  eating berries today, i could not get enough.  i want to eat berries like a goat, with fierce abandon.  silly goat.  can’t stop wanting to hang out with goats.  and get back in the desert.  and soon port townsend.  the peninsula, magic magic magic.  oh, port townsend, what will you be this time?  last time you were my writing retreat, where i needed to get in touch with justin, my character.  i miss justin.  that wise fool, too heady to know what his heart feels, but all heart.  the paradox of justin, needing to listen to what he feels and follow it, even though he’s got a head that unlocks closed doors.  the pilot called for a reading today, and she said she’s reading my book.  it made me happy, because melissa and justin are real people, forever in my heart.  they are not me.  i only birthed them.  i cannot wait to birth new characters, and yet this retrograde is not the time to begin.  port townsend, will you let me in on a secret?  big black spider in the tub last time, the morning i checked out of the hotel, that was you, wasn’t it?  speak to me through dreams.  that dream i had there on the last night.  god awful, and clear like a prism of how it all came to pass and where the quest is headed.   how much joy i felt sitting in the jacuzzi alone, without any suit, a glass of wine, watching the sun set over the water, filling up with the scent of rose and vetiver…amazed at how i took me there alone on the fly, lover to myself, impressing me.  meeting that woman who told me her life story while watching the open mic like i was in my twenties.  the co-op which i loved way too much, filling the mini-fridge each night.  eating a salad there for lunch, watching a couple eat sandwiches, while their horse was tied up beside them.  i would like to ride my horse to the co-op.  but let’s face it, the care taking is probably too intense for me.  i like care taking my place of work.  i like care taking my characters.  i like care taking my home.  and i would love to care take an animal, but maybe more like a dog and cat, or maybe even a goat and some chickens.  but horses are too intense.  why am i talking about this?  better end this ramble, it’s getting boring…i wanted this to be another poetic spew, but i can’t control it…