pisces full moon didi…

agarwood is burning.  lapis on the finger.  jade, onyx, and amethyst around the neck, cascading down the torso, dangling over the navel.  krishna das pours into my ears through headphones…sinking, sinking into love….so much these past few days, it’s been hard to speak.  today was really hard.  craving no head.  no words.  no brain.  as i sit here and type.  it’s different though.  the silent words feel like heart.  the way singing does too.  but talking sometimes is the head’s tool for hashing out brain-fucks.  silver moon is calling me.  walked real slow today, cause i’ve exhausted my body with yoga and running.   felt good to do too much right before the full moon.  needed to dive into body with fierceness before the moonlight takes me into lunacy land.  my head is already floating into nothingness, after it maxed out on passionate sentiment.  i don’t feel here, but i feel here in not feeling here.  reality is a dream.  i have an edge and i have moved back into that cranky less loving place over the past few days.  until right now.  krishna das brings me back.  love soars down through the crown, like a swallow.  in this ambient bubble, filled with agarwood, and mood lighting…a candle flickering, lighting up the face of my mother, when she was pregnant with me…in a picture.  there is always a quickening before the fall.  death is upon us.  are you ready to shed, be naked, and allow the feminine to blossom under the masculine light of the sun?  the quest isn’t over.  it’s barely begun.  pisces full moon dips my head into the sea.  the moment sweetens with nostalgic longing.  nostalgic for what?  not the past.  but more like…the core….where my beloved cradles me and his deathless heart.  this isn’t like me.  i’m usually intellectualizing while waxing poetic.  but i feel simple tonight.  i feel like a dreaming creature looking up at the stars, bare feet touching the cool red earth.  do you feel different too?  is that a purple sunrise i see?  are we living in the same world as yesterday?  when i went to look at a one bedroom apartment for rent today, he did not pick up the phone to let me into the building, like he said he would.  took it as a sign.  jade clears the path.  maybe i don’t sign a lease yet.  let home come to me.  feel home as me…