grand cross didi…

lap top on violet pants.  amber on hands.  both sides of my brain taking equal command. it’s about both.  the two horses of the chariot.  yin and yang.  and i am riding the spectrum with coffee thoughts again.  having cyclical experiences, spiraling moments, movement like the earth, galaxy, sea and stars.  serious deep talks spiral into light laughter sparks.  daffodils bloom and die on the shelf.  self reflection dissolving into no self.  connection flowing and merging…then ebbing back to a silent center.

one bird chirping, holding the world together.

the seasons.  brink of spring.  changing weather.  a little bit chilly, but melting, warming the feathers.  emotions like weather.  we are verbs.  we are living.  feelings pass like clouds, storms, sunshine turning to rain and back to sunshine again.  all the while, a consistent strong love catches every drop.  flexibility is the ability to feel it all.  there is great joy in pain and great sorrow in joy.  for every sweet moment shall pass away, and every hurt moment provides an opportunity to build trust and compassion.

intimacy is a peeling back effect, until there are no more layers, no more resistances between you and life, you and me, us and life, life and life…we are life.

the seed rests blind and potent in the middle…being a participant with complete surrender…

how intimate do you feel with life?

do you act in a black and white tv show, with predictable plots because you are trying to preserve certain emotional experiences, certain mind-sets and character traits, while ignoring others?  are you trying to do so good and see so positive that you are denying feelings you judge as threatening and bad?  it’s time to let go of those old plot lines.  it’s time to let go of judging experiences as good and bad. it’s time to blend, and create new colors.

we are growing.

it is not bad to feel sad and it is not good to feel happy.  the joy is in being.  i am being right now, i am tapping keys.  isn’t it amazing?

amazing how i watch fear manifest in my mind, and can give that fear honor, see the trembling girl beneath, love her until she dissolves back into the whole of my being.  the joy in being capable of emotional alchemy, of giving love to hurt, and gaining awareness.  feels like becoming a star.  the stem of my awareness rises.  flowers are earth stars.  i am a star lily, turning monsters into vapor.

love is like iron.  it cannot be penetrated by any outside force.  it creates gravity, weight, and attracts moons.

i am the fool card.  jumping into the unknown.  i am excited to jump.  i feel life in my cells wanting to bloom.  i cannot see the blossom, but i feel the urge.  sweet knowing urge encompasses.

tender parts from past lives need reassurance and validation, a song, a painting, a dance, to be held.  i watch darkness dance in her trance, and i give her kisses and tea, seducing pain into dissolving into me, the great sea.  my hips open wide like an infinity symbol rocking gently from side to side, from being to nothingness, to being, to manifestation, back to being, and into the new.

my show is in full color and i am giving myself, vulnerable, to the fragility of life.  i don’t want the fake polish that makes it look fake strong.

let the dew drops on blades of grass be my constant song.  let the moods wax and wane, as we get scared then laugh again, at the shadows on the cave wall, briefly believed as real, until we peel back another layer, walk outside and feel the expansiveness, breathe in green oxygen, reveling in being us…i am reveling in being me, and this run on sentence will never be complete because eternity is forever blinking open his eye, lashes moist from the succulent night, grand cross shining down her supple light….everything’s gonna be alright, cause it never was wrong to begin with….