going backwards till morning

sun shining through pale yellow bubbles.  tapping keys.  vanilla, gardenia, and myrrh on the skin.  peacock-shirt.  green walls.  strollers, dogs, sunglasses.  the orchid seat.  lying in the grass, sprawled like a fallen kite.  loud crows have their meeting in the sky, inside tall pines surrounding the open field.  three people video a guy rapping on the top of a brick stage wall.  “come here, nibbles,” wafts into my ear.  and some dudes talking about solving something.  like the beach, humans plop in fields of grass and sun.  take off my shoes and socks, release through soles into dark soil.  read a paragraph of emerson, don’t understand it but feel it.  the crows are loud and some surround me.  think about my relationship with earth.  how she is a mother to me.  the way she saved the day when i was eight years old, having a black gardener snake pop out of that kid’s trapper keeper right before i was about to feel really embarrassed.  she wanted me to know she was there for me.  i never forget.  carrying a heavy back pack, thinking, “it’s good practice for the future.”  feeling the need to build strength.  walking through quiet streets…and disturbing commercial streets.  homeless young on heroin sleeping in ground cubicles of strewn clothes, wrappers, sleeping bags, and random objects.  we walk by them like it’s nothing.   my heart sinks.  “this is why i do what i do,” is what heart says when it speaks.  following an inner devotion to love.  saying hello to the apartment manager.  feeling bad about the fire extinguishers getting stolen.  trying to not be too upset about the loud neighbors who partied all night.  their savage drunken woo-hooing.   tossing around with insomnia.  showering in the sun.  surrendering into poses.  not trying or forcing, but letting body go into it because he says so.  being directed turns longing into a stranger.  his post that activated the sun.  divine alchemy.  outside guidance.  life being intimate.  mystery.  the feeling of alignment.  earth mirroring sky.  dragons blood incense.  toast with butter.  coffee.  shades pulled up hard.  no need to turn the heat on.  spring has arrived.