ode to spring

avocados are earth’s eyeballs turned inside out.  tomatoes are the sacred power of four.  cut one open and you’ll see.  sparrows hide en masse inside prickly trees.  peridot rinses my heart clean.  carnelian opening the second root like a flute.  i see the monsters of thought clearly.  they’re like winter crows on a wire, watching a black bowling ball roll down a dark hilly street at night, incognito, taking bets on what bad thing will happen.  i don’t belong to the monsters anymore.  spring snake shed sweating on the mat.  how sick i am of doing crescent lunge!  stop telling me to hold it for another breath.  my knees hurt!  they’ve been jerking.  they don’t know what stability feels like…until i exhale and dive into warrior three.  there you go knee!  we just need to be retaught everything.  spring, shower me in your wordless sun drenched teaching.  i need no lists or how to’s.  just you sinking into my skin.  let the brain create words that no longer dwell in black and white stalls, built by shame’s humility.  what did he say?  like a white lunar wind his words penetrate and align, polarizing ideas told by those who seek my demise, so that i can see clearly.  what it feels like, is the divine.  the importance of the external environment.  nature. how that keeps being denied.  how a part of me is a scared animal unsure if can walk out of the open cage.  paying honor to her.  and understanding that what is happening to us, is breaking us.  why i wrote my first novel.  why i don’t go insane.  i won’t let them convince me i am to blame.  creating my own reality does not mean that.  it means, i have the power to create change.  it’s knowing that i can do things in and to this place.  that’s the forgotten key.  see?  spring, remind me.  already letting me see my sacred little broken knee jerking shadow.  and also the light causing it.  a tenacious arrow.  it’s in my vedic chart.   i am good with maps.  my dad always called it the one track mind when i was little.  the way our untampered essence shows itself in childhood, and watching it be replaced by the insecurity complex or the arrogance one.  pick a side.  down with the sides!  multiplicity rise!  spring you make me wanna hail!  you make me wanna let go, too.  into you.  i can’t fight life.  i don’t want to.  it’s the happiest part about life…the living of it.  all this protection we think we need is bullshit.  we are resilient beings who can hurt and recover a million times.  but lets also replace the overdose of hurting with those original selves we were born with.  idealism is the lemon quartz blinging in the case.  let go of that outdated idea, too.  i don’t deal “isms” anymore.  i am simply care taking life, with love in my heart.  when did that become so hard?  when did that turn into the ten thousand dollar seminar?  oh, that’s right.  you have to feel love first, in order to give it.  which is hard to do when the world is blaring emergency lights and sirens in your face half the time, and your upbringing was a regimented program of learning how to function in a board game being created by those who don’t care about you.  sorry, was that too extremist?  spring, you are making me talk like a kid.  i can’t hold it in.  i don’t want to.  thank you, spring, for coming back again.  goodbye underworld, see you next november.