edge of the taurus moon

taurus moon, you are a challenge because my body wishes to be somewhere else other than on these mice filled stilts, and yet i am also basking in the taurus glow of a rainbow candle, jasmine, patchouli, rose, and palo santo.  i just ate two bananas in a row.  sometimes i need to devour.  mother earth, i feel you.  taurus earth, you want me to write this book now, but how can i here, on these stilts?  where do i go?  or do i stay here?  or do i stay here and go at the same time?  i am re-evaluating.  but why?  why use my mind at all?  i have pulled the hanged man card and already know.  i am being led.   this is not me giving my power away.  this surrender is meant to be.  it’s what another part of me asked for, who has a broader perspective.  this is our oneness.  not mine.  i don’t own anything.  owning is a lie.  a way to create boundaries.  the rules create power.  breaking the rules creates power that must disempower the rule breakers.  society.  what is this?  i am questioning.  i am feeling this force behind me i cannot see, guiding me.  it’s about surrendering to the present.  on the yoga mat is where i am learning everything right now, as i merge breath with movement, until they are innately moving in harmony, and this makes me move in harmony.  in the flow.  it’s a real thing, but when you talk about it, it sounds so stupid.  when you live it, life feels easy like sunday morning…until the next storm, death, illness, tragedy loss, and we are back again, sitting in the canoe of darkness.  and i write this exactly as plain song plays on pandora.  the romance sparks up, for what hurts.  i am not sure if romance creates the pain in order to experience everything… or if pain creates the romance to make itself feel better about itself, but one thing i know for sure is that it’s both and nothing and everything in between.  how does it feel to lose your grip?  to let go?  to not know?  i have an obsession with this right now.  not that i want to, but i do.  it’s whats happening.  it’s my heart still trying to get over those man’s eyes holding his hand out and saying thank you, and seeing that he is not crazy, just alone and confused.  i can’t stand it.  is there no where to run?  come into the present and experience this.  give these intense feelings a boost and send them into words such as these.  stack them on a shelf.  say you wrote it.  die.  be another life.  forever.