poetic ramble on a sunny day…

alas, nothing feels right but to keep going in my streamlined routine, here on a hill, wait until….something or somebody calls…but so far, i am called only to right here, right now, on the mat, behind the counter, in the back room, on the streets, in the dark lights, under the sun and clouds…i feel a deep surrender to my present life…a peace of mind containing the atmosphere where wild birds sing and caw, their restlessness slowly dissipating, as i write, paint, and draw….allowing the weight of the world to slide off my heart and feeling the soul part, where we have surpassed these lessons as a human race, visualizing what essence i want to taste…peace…can i make my energy stronger?  yes.  third chakra.  central sun.  center of power.  yes.  the bone necklace broke suddenly last night.  change makes itself known mysteriously.  the sky is blue and sun shines, and it never fails that my moods match mother earth…reduced appetite, reduced desire, who i am really on this inside?  he said that the right one will both scare me and make me feel understood when he sees who i am, or something like that…and i felt it, the future in the now, the fear of intimacy we all have deep down beneath the conscious hearts hungry for intimacy….we are healing our family dysfunctions through present relationships, some of us, all of us, we have all been raised in ignorance and pain, among the happy waves of golden grain, begetting down the genetic line, making history…be supple, flexible, and sustain, says me, rising up to meet every new challenge…seattle teaches…seattle makes you look inside…the mirror gleams clearly…spring is in the air, and with it, an elation, and exaltation, yes, that’s right, this sorrow has been winter’s doing, as usual, happens every year, a journey to the underworld to face the fear…i see my past as all meant to be, every place travelled was a life vest…i miss san francisco’s colors and and sense of wonder, i miss new york’s creative inspiration, i don’t miss portland or missoula or vegas, i long for an out of the country excursion, i wonder what other homes i have that i don’t know about yet, but i know that seattle is the mother ship, and i am thankful for my apartment, my life here, my friends, the sacred flow of my movement from place to place, each face a mirror, lesson, teaching, and celebration….the work that i do and the reflections beneath, i am rich with experience and bubbling with peace….and this too shall pass…from up to down and down to up, through the middle and round we go, all the feelings are show and tell dreams, before death comes to undo the seams…