lunar cycle insanity…

if you read a few posts back, you know what i mean about being in my lunar cycle (from the full to the new moon two week period)…during this phase i am more sensitive and receptive…like the moon i reflect light and receive…feeling less energetic and more rich with thoughtless feelings…so…

let me see if i can put thoughts to this blob of lunar feelings inside…

i keep writing and deleting because i don’t want to write the same ole lament about the ills of the world and my loneliness…nor do i feel like writing about all i am grateful for and the beauty i experience…i am sick of writing about my struggles and my learning journeys…and i cannot stand to write anything witty or funny either…

basically, i am sick of thoughts in general i think….i am filled up….and i am needing to empty out and i am needing body, laughter, tears, sweat, stars, trees, sea, imagination, animals, love, big creative ideas put into motion, change, a new home, a new lover, a partner in crime, a way out, a way through, no mold, wide eyes, laughing-did i say that already?  a way to show in visual form everything i despise about the fucked up world…a way to sing out the pain…a way to make love to another soul with my soul, everything i do not have feels like hands reaching up from the ocean bed opening opening…sweat yoga is opening opening me, making me stronger, releasing releasing, i have a sinus headache, i feel and need change, exotic exotic, patterns hurt, i am wild, i must be wild, need to be free, get me out of the boxes containing me and at the same time roots call roots call roots call, mommy earth roots, wormy soil roots, toes in soil, i feel like rolling around naked in muddy rainy tree roots and crying out to the full moon, i feel like a wolf in full bloom, heart ache insanity, i could fly right out of here and you wouldn’t catch me, i could turn into a moon bird and leave in an instant, but your love is my magnet and i wont do that, this poverty is our gift, the prosperity of feelings like diamonds spilling over, the riff of my friend’s musical genius, the words from the lips of the sage instructional assistant, the taste of coffee on my lips, the sound of these keys tapping, i crave the moment’s rapping, little mouse teeth leaving little bites out of little fig cookies, the past sweetly intoxicating the present, wearing aunt dottie’s gold bracelet on my wrist, soul school and spirit world tid-bits raining down in my dreams, yes my dreams, i dreamed a dream…we wanted to kiss, i was cooking eggs in the hallway, we knew in our subconscious minds, my longing i refuse to despise, i don’t have anais nin’s karma, i work with what i got, we all do, we are all pots of longing and gratitude simmering carrots no longer dangling and the dangling one’s strangling our memory of having it all…and just in case you did not know…i am a master of intellectualizing my feelings and i am a fool wrapped inside the universe and trickster swirling around a buddha and i am at peace with letting go and nonsense is all i crave to save me from thinking that i know, because if i don’t keep emptying my cup i will surely fall too hard too slow and need arnica to teach me how to flow, no thank you, downward dog make it so, archangel michael stolen name by the false stupid religions i know who you really are, ancient soul giving giving giving, give me the courage to unwrap myself from this self that no longer serves and remember that who i am is the ever changing sea reaching up to turn into a female body and take the name of venus in many forms, bring love to the violence, and awareness to crying, and rapture to the polishing of pennies and sundries to the little elf who sits patiently in dark corners waiting to whisper into the crumb ears of nobody listening…

this absurdity is not going to be edited.  goodbye.