more musings on romantic love…

this is another blog about romantic love…

while waiting for my love to come along, i reflect within and observe my friends, gathering information.  even though every union between two lovers will be different, and you cannot compare or say what is right for one person is right for another person, or that how it is for you, is how it will be for another… i do see certain commonalities that make for a powerful long lasting monogamous union between two people, where the love becomes a home…

the core is the sexual connection.  all of my friends in happy relationships say the sexual connection is the either the best they have ever had, or very fulfilling.  this makes sense, cause otherwise why not life partner with a friend?  the sexual connection is the heart of a romantic union.  it’s not the leaf of the tree, it’s the root.  it’s the glue.  of course the sexual connection will wax and wane throughout the years…this is natural…but the core of the connection is strong and pleasurable, the magnetism powerful….and if this ever shifts…it could be that you are meant to separate and become friends.

because i am all about allowing energy to shift and change and i have no sense of morality or shouldness with romantic love…i feel that if i was in a life partnership where the sexual relationship changed, and i or he no longer felt sexually attracted…i would end it and become friends with him instead.  i have done this in the past and it’s not hard for me.  once i love, i love forever and the love does not budge…yet the nature of the love i allow to become whatever it needs to become as two people change.

another thing i observe with my friends in happy relationships, is that the friendship is strong in their romantic unions.  friendship does not have to mean similarity.  some relationships will be more similar in personality than others.  but whether you are super alike, very different, or somewhere in between, you are best friends.  you trust each other.  you can fight and move through it.  you like one another and being together feels good.  there’s a particular closeness that develops the more time you spend together, no matter what differences exist.

similarity of lifestyle is all you need.  the happy couples i know find similarity in their desire to make a cozy home together and they have similar interests so that spending time together and domesticating makes sense, and is enjoyable.  do i sound like a robot?  i suddenly feel like one.  sometimes pointing out the obvious feels weird.  but there are those bombastic relationships that don’t work out cause even though there is a strong sexual connection and friendship their lifestyles are so different they cannot find any common ground in the practical world.

another insight i wanted to mention is that, we don’t get into life partnerships just to be happy.  we also get into them, to grow.  each person’s life lessons are going to be different.  and we call to us partners who help us.  in astrology you can look to the north node house and placement to see your major lessons.  for instance, if your lesson is to learn how to assert your individuality in this life, you will call to you a life partner that will help you achieve this, verses calling to you a life partner where you get enmeshed in the other.  but getting enmeshed might be the right partnership for somebody who is learning how to let go more, into another.  these are just two examples but the lessons are infinite.

we call to us life partners who will help us grow, and sometimes this can feel challenging and not so enjoyable.  i look forward to this because the thought of being totally creature comforted all the time does not feel good to me.  i don’t want to lose my edge or lose my vitality by always being wrapped up in a cozy blanket of creature love.  i want to be challenged.  not only to learn my personal life lessons, but also to learn the universal lessons of unconditional love and compassion.

i see it in my friends, how they are growing, challenged, and happy because they are with the right people.  there really is a right person to be with.  it’s cool being able to see it in many people i love, before i get there myself.   it’s interesting too, the variety of experiences upon meeting…how some of my friends were initially not so into their partners at first, or not sure…while for others, it was love at first sight, and they knew right away.  you might find a long held friendship suddenly turns romantic, you might need to date for a while to fall in love, or you might know they are the one in the first five minutes.

i think about who my love will be.  i take in my friend’s insights.  i pull cards.  i listen to my inner truth.  i paint the lovers.  and i wait.  one thing for sure i have seen across the board…it’s always a surprise.  nobody ever knows until he or she arrives.  and when they do, the reaction alway seems to be something like, “it’s you?  i never would have guessed it….”  i am very open.  i know what turns me on.  i know what i want.  but i am also open to receiving what i want in the form of not knowing i want him till i receive him.  i am open to him being  drastically different or really similar to me.  i am open to to being surprised.  i feel him coming.

the great thing about finding love now in my life, is that i know who i am and i love myself now.   i am happy that i can hook up with him after i have healed.  i am glad i spent the first half of my life mostly single and in the ashram, learning through being alone.  it’s made me strong and autonomous within, and i don’t have to give him my darkness.  he wont have to heal me, or deal with me while i am healing.  not that it’s wrong or bad to heal with or through a partner…it’s just not my path in this lifetime to do that…and i feel the peace for my process.  i look forward to loving my love.