oops i did it again…tarot.

forget yesterday’s declaration of my independence blog if you read it.   i was wrong about myself.  partially wrong.  i do feel i have transcended my identity of being a healer on the healing path, true.  but being a tarot reader is my soul, and is as constant as me being an artist and writer.  the universe knows just how to get to me, just how to pull me back from my own delusions.  it came in the form of being asked to be part of a documentary about tarot, me speaking about tarot and being a reader while being filmed, and knowing in my heart, this is what i am always meant to do.  i have the four minor arcana tattooed on my body.  i got it tattooed on my body when i was seventeen so that “i will never forget who i am.”  i have been a reader in many lives… and it is a passion of mine.  what i realize is that, now that i have transcended the journey of processing darkness, the way i read tarot will shift, but not tarot itself.  and instead of being a healer, i am moving into being purely a messenger.  a messenger of true self.  come to me to listen to your inner truth spoken outside of yourself.  and see a therapist ( or another reader) if you need to process darkness mentally.  some of my messages might be hard to hear, shit cutting, revealing what you don’t want to see, and if you need help to understand what i am talking about, you can work it out with a good therapist, that’s the part i am leaving behind.  my role now as a reader, is simply to give you the messages you need to hear.  i am going to move deeper into clairvoyant reading and farther away from cognitive processing.  i am going to rejuvenate my passion and rekindle the fire.  burn out happens to everybody in every profession.  it’s natural.  taking a little break and having less clients for a few months will reset my energy and get me back to a place of re-birth.  the realization that i don’t (or that i can’t) stop being a reader is profound, even though i have been through this about six times already in my life.  it’s a thing with me.  reluctancy.  maybe this time i will get it through my heart, that as i change, my reading style is allowed to change.  and i cannot walk away from this…ever.  my soul tells me so…and every time i claim no more, life brings me an experience that says always and forever more.  i think what it is too…is that if i am going to be a healer, i am going to use my hands and move energy.  i don’t want to do any cognitive healing.  only energetic healing.  if the day comes when i can have a room with a table and crystals and get the chance to move energy, i will.  but so long as i am reading cards, i am simply a messenger, and it’s up to the client to receive or not receive my messages.  this is a gift i have, and i need to treat it tenderly.  sometimes i can be too harsh.  i have been schooled yet again.  so mote it.  the tarot and me are one in the same.  and my ability to listen and see what others need to hear and know about their souls and their life path is a cherished ability that i want to keep giving.  please excuse me for my rash behavior and over zealous declarations.  i am prodigal yet again.  and i am learning that i can transform and transcend, while still being a constant north star.  change within the constant.  devotion is devotion.  it never ends.  my love for tarot is soulmate.