new years day unedited spew..

the moment i woke up i knew i’d never sleep again.  there’s no going back.  you can’t slip a storm inside of a cherry pit.  you know what i mean?  forward movement is all i know.  but it’s not forward in a line.  it’s more like something that gets peeled back, layer by layer until it is transparent.  luminous emptiness.  feeling it so much this past week.  even at my most desire laden moments.  it’s like eating ice cream with with grapefruit seeds on top.  what the hell am i talking about.  if you have not figured it out by now, this blog is pure stream of consciousness.  only making grammatical edits.  so it’s raw.  it’s my new years gift to the new year.  the isolated one hit spew of frodo baggins.  everybody, listen up, the elves made these beautiful boxes from poland.  my brain is thinking about characters as i storm up the new plot line for my next story.  i want to tell it differently.  i need more hands.  i need eight hands at least.  and twelve brains.  but my heart is big enough to have just one i suppose.  big but drafty.  it needs to be filled up.  with more love.  man love.  man love 2014.  how will you love your man?  how will your man love you?  find out tonight, when the cat strokes nine.  letting words fall out like this, feels a little bit like crying. nonsense is cleansing for the mind.  break up those old patterns.  let them go.  i am letting go big time.  i feel the letting go sloughing off, slithering away.  i am worm ears no more.  i got a new heaven in my eyes paved with mookaite jasper forming oblong symmetry across my forehead.  oh, that sentence felt good.  gotta get the patterns scattered like pool balls with a good first hit.  strong in the shoulder, eyes tight, right from the beginning.  strategy and strength.  not wanting to be left by the wayside.  not wanting to be denied.  oh human longing.  human yearning.  i touched the blue center and must have gotten scared.  when i told her that i wasn’t coming back after this life, i got sad.  i need to be a part of earth still.  it’s earth i have a love for.  it’s earth.  remember on our way to sehkmet’s temple when my car got a flat tire, and i married god in the desert?  my version anyway.  the sun.  the blue light.  it was also earth.  earth was a man to the ancient egyptians, and that’s who he is in my painting.  geb.  i am nut.  the night sky female.  dark green and dark blue.  glowing pink.  the touch of you.  grey sheets sprayed with thieves oil.  the sound of my tapping keys.  i love writing.  i always want to say things like more than anything.  it’s annoying.  valley girl conditioning.  americana.  we have to ridiculously stress the amount of our adoration.  fooey and ladeeda.  caramel eyes don’t look lightly upon fluff heads.  sad little boxes squeeze in sadly lives.  despite worldly recognition.  it’s who you are on the inside.